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Saudi Arabia agreed to an OPEC vote to reduce oil production with U.S. shale oil flooding the market to try to prop up prices. The U.S. is now on track to become the world's largest oil producer. If history has taught us anything, it's that the United States will soon be invading the United States.
• Germany weighed restrictions on Muslim entry after the terrorist attacks in Berlin. The issue of banning Muslims has revived far right German parties. It's like the husband who thought his vasectomy would keep his wife from getting pregnant, and all it did was change the color of the baby.
• Berlin terrorist Anis Amri was killed by police in Milan Friday after he'd driven a stolen truck into Christmas shoppers in Germany. He left behind a video pledging allegiance to ISIS and vowing to slaughter Christians. Angela Merkel's government still looking for a motive for the attack.
• Donald Trump was quick to call the terror attack on Berlin an attack by Islamic terrorists. The culture difference is self-explanatory. Women in Saudi Arabia can fly airplanes but they are not allowed to drive cars, because driving a car into the side of a skyscraper doesn't have the same effect.
• Vladimir Putin said Russia does not want a nuclear arms race with the U.S. after Trump vowed to upgrade the U.S. nuclear arsenal Thursday. It was the first step backwards Putin has ever taken publicly. When Trump made Ivanka fly coach to Hawaii, it was a language the Russians understand.
• A Brooklyn lawyer berated Ivanka Trump about her father as she sat in coach on a Jet Blue airliner before takeoff Thursday. The crew kicked him off the plane immediately. For all the flight attendants knew, Donald Trump had just bought Jet Blue Airlines and this was an episode of Undercover Boss.
• Florida beauty pageant winner Vanessa Barceol was arrested by Miami Shores cops Thursday for assaulting a man with an aluminum baseball bat during a drunken Christmas party she hosted. This stuff is always happening in Florida. If stupidity were oil, Florida would be OPEC headquarters.
• Vice President-elect Mike Pence drew rave reviews from Trump staffers Friday for his solid and methodical role in screening Trump cabinet prospects. He's an Indiana square and proud of it. Untangling Christmas tree lights is the closest Mike Pence and his wife have ever gotten to S&M.
• Joe Biden gave an interview to the Los Angeles Times Thursday in which he analyzed Hillary Clinton's election defeat. He said she never really decided exactly why she was running. I don't want to say the Clintons are finished, but Chelsea just enrolled in Trump University to learn a trade.
• President Obama spoke to the Atlantic magazine and blamed Donald Trump's election on Fox News and Rush Limbaugh creating a fictional character named Barack Obama. He even alibis in the third person. Narcissistic Personality Disorder cannot be treated, it can only be voted into office.
• The Mormon Tabernacle Choir and New York City's famed Rockettes agreed to perform at the Donald Trump Inauguration. You can't make it up. If you'd predicted ten years ago that Donald Trump would be elected President of the United States, the bartender would have stopped serving you.
• A Jet Blue passenger stood over Ivanka Trump in the coach cabin before takeoff and berated her about her father as her kids looked on. Security took him off, kicking and screaming. Would someone please give these people a Participation Trophy so they'll think they won something?
• Donald Trump tweeted Thursday that he intends to upgrade and expand U.S. nuclear weapons systems the same day Vladimir Putin vowed to increase Russia's nuclear arsenal. That got young people's attention. Nothing scares Millennials like two old men who are willing to die for their country.
• The World Health Organization issued a report Wednesday claiming that eating bacon greatly increases the chances of you getting cancer. Other health experts say don't let that report alarm you. Statistics also say that not eating bacon greatly increases the chances of you blowing yourself up.
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