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Jewish World Review Dec. 21, 2015 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• President Obama gave a national security speech at the National Counterintelligence Center in Virginia Thursday. He assured Americans that there are no current terrorist threats to the homeland. And then the Secret Service grabbed him by the elbow and took him to the South Pacific.
• Donald Trump's personal physician disclosed Monday that the GOP presidential candidate is in terrific health following his physical. He said Trump has never smoked tobacco, taken a drink of alcohol or used an illegal drug in his life. Two imams in Saudi Arabia just endorsed him for president.
• Russia's Vladimir Putin in his year-end press conference praised Donald Trump as a talented leader. They're just alike. This past year, three men in Moscow were arrested for the murder of Russian dissident Boris Nemntsov and they're the three guys ahead of Putin in his racquetball league.
• Detroit says low gas prices have resulted in record sales for luxury cars, trucks and SUVs this December. It's called good sportsmanship. The Paris Climate Change Conference said high carbon emissions creates terrorists and it appears that American drivers are willing to spot them seven points.
• Speaker Paul Ryan convinced GOP House chairmen to okay a one trillion-one-hundred-billion-dollar budget that will keep the U.S. government running for ten months. It'll increase the deficit to nearly nineteen trillion dollars. America hasn't been attacked by this many zeroes since Pearl Harbor.
• Donald Trump widened his lead over his GOP presidential rivals in polls Monday in which the voters said they liked Donald Trump's record of past successes. No one saw this coming a few months ago. Apparently, Trump's riches-to-riches story is really resonating with everyday Americans.
• Congress voted Wednesday to finally end the forty-year ban on U.S. oil companies exporting U.S. oil to markets overseas.. There's plenty to spare out there. Americans consume twenty-five percent of the world's oil supply and yet we've only invaded ten percent of the world's oil-producing countries.
• The Mercantile Exchange reports oil prices fell to thirty-five dollars a barrel last week before Congress moved to allow oil companies to export U.S. oil to other countries. Picture the possibilities. Dick Cheney just suggested that once we export the oil, we should launch a mission to go get it back.
• Department of Immigration officials were hauled into Congress Thursday to answer why they won't check every visa applicant's social media postings for any possible terrorist ties. They always give you away. It's one thing to post a cat video on Facebook, but if you behead the cat, that's a red flag.
• Congress grilled Department of Immigration staffers for losing track of Syrian refugees in the U.S. already Thursday who weren't properly vetted. Human rights activists say the Syrian refugees who've arrived in America are determined to live free. All they have to do now is qualify for disability.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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