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Jewish World Review December 29, 2014 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• Britney Spears is performing at Planet Hollywood's new five-thousand-seat amphitheater in Las Vegas this holiday week and she's selling out. She's being paid nineteen million dollars by the casino hotel to stage her shows. This officially makes Britney Spears the highest paid mime artist of all time.
• President Obama enjoyed a round of golf in Hawaii on Christmas day with the prime minister of Malaysia. They rented carts, played a round and had lunch and drinks afterwards. The prime minister wanted to pick up the check, but President Obama would not hear of it and charged it to our grandchildren.
• U.S. and British troops lowered their flags at Afghanistan forts and prepared to leave the country after thirteen years of war Thursday. The White House says we're pulling out even though we're leaving ten thousand troops in. We don't have a Mideast policy so much as we have a rhythm method.
• Pro-Russian separatist rebels in Eastern Ukraine adopted the Confederate flag as their banner last week in Donestsk. The rebels consider the pro-U.S. government of Ukraine to be Nazis. Not even Sony Playstation has a Confederates-versus-Nazis video game for fear of how many units it might sell.
• Arizona's outgoing Governor Jan Brewer ripped Obama as a failed president on Thursday. She's very popular among GOP conservatives. If you call the Arizona governor's office and no one answers, the recorded voice tells you to press one for English, press two for English, and press three for English.
• President Obama hailed the end of the Afghan war in his Christmas message. The nation is split along tribal lines, the Pashtuns pay no taxes to anyone, the terrain and ethnic divisions make it ungovernable and the illegal poppy crop enjoyed a record harvest. It's clear that our work is done here.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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