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Jewish World Review December 2, 2014 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• President Obama pardoned two turkeys presented to him by the National Turkey Federation at the annual ceremony at the White House Wednesday. Their names are Mac and Cheese. After they received their presidential pardon, the turkeys each received a driver's license and registered Democrat.
• Mexico's president Enrique Pena Nieto proposed issuing a national ID card for Mexican citizens Friday. That would help. If you're a Mexican and cops pull you over in Mexico, they need to see something more than your Los Angeles water and electricity bill to make sure you aren't an American.
• The New York Mercantile Exchange saw oil fall to sixty-six dollars a barrel Friday after OPEC decided not to cut production. Gasoline is a dollar and a half per gallon cheaper in Los Angeles than just six months ago. Hummers have resumed playing soccer on Sunset Boulevard with Smart Cars as the ball.
• House Republicans were reported considering disinviting President Obama from giving his State of the Union speech in the House Chamber in January. What a shame. This is the speech where the president opens up by saying the State of the Union is strong, and it's the biggest laugh he gets all year.
• A U.S. arbitrator ruled Friday the NFL can't punish Ray Rice twice for hitting his fiancee in a hotel elevator last summer. Last week, Johnny Manziel got in a fight with a fan on an elevator. Clinical researchers warn that NFL players have developed an immunity to the calming effect of elevator music.
• WalMart reported that home electronics, flat-screen TVs and laptops, tablets and smartphones were top sellers on Friday. The Best Buy website was so busy that it crashed for an hour. Everyone would have health care insurance in America if ObamaCare had just offered an iPad with each policy.
• The Democratic National Committee emailed talking points to Democrats to slip into the family dinner conversations during this holiday season. It never ends. It's one thing to criticize the baked potatoes, but have the Republicans offered a plan to fix the baked potatoes besides repealing them?
• President Obama urged Congress to pass an immigration reform bill Tuesday which he said will bring millions of illegals out of the shadows. However, many illegals prefer the tax-free life in the shadows, though they would also like to qualify for federal benefits someday. The Democrats are in favor of immigration reform, Republicans oppose immigration reform, and immigrants are still on the fence.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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