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Jewish World Review Dec. 10, 2013 / 7 Teves, 5774 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• The White House disclosed Tuesday that immigration reform for guest workers and political refugees is next on its legislative list. The asylum seekers say they're determined to remain in the United States and live free. Now all they have to do is qualify for disability.
• The NFL revealed plans Friday to use facial recognition technology to keep terrorists from entering the Super Bowl. Facial recognition technology is used by Las Vegas casinos to keep out cheaters and thieves. If they used it at the U.S. Capitol they'd never get a quorum.
• George H.W. Bush accepted the LBJ Foundation Award in Austin Tuesday wearing red socks with his picture on them. He's been frequently asked how high you need to be before you skydive from an airplane. Two bottles of wine in the space of an hour will usually do it.
• Joe Biden flew to South Korea for security discussions Friday where the government asked Biden to give a TV speech to the South Korean people. The effect was galvanizing. It is the first time in history that South Koreans were caught trying to sneak into North Korea.
• House members asked for an Obamacare enrollment deadline because they can't log onto the website. They may be in mortal danger. Men's Health just released a study saying that inactivity will kill you so the floor of the U.S. Congress may soon be covered with bodies.
• The Auto Club conducted a nationwide survey of gasoline consumption which found that Oklahomans use the most gas per capita in the nation. Residents of the Sooner State burn an average of two gallons of gas every day. It's either that or let the tornado catch you.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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