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Jewish World Review Dec. 2, 2013 / 29 Kislev, 5774 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• Wal-Mart reported huge customer turnout at Black Friday sales this year. The store opened up at six o'clock on Thanksgiving Day. This broke up family dinners all across America, demonstrating that WalMart doesn't just pass the savings on to you, it saves lives.
• President Obama hit a new low in job approval ratings Tuesday. The economy is not helping him at all. President Obama's big applause line used to be that health care should be universal in a country that's as rich as America, then a year ago it started getting laughs.
• U.N. observers said an al-Qaeda fighter in Syria accidentally beheaded a fellow rebel whom he misidentified. The victim's platoon is just furious. President Obama had assured the rebels when they signed up that if they like their head they can keep their head, period.
• Ambassador to Japan Caroline Kennedy read China the riot act on world TV Tuesday as the U.S. fleet challenged China's new claim to Japanese islands. She was stunning. The Japanese were never gladder they launched her father's political career by sinking his boat.
• President Obama hosted the annual Thanksgiving turkey pardoning Wednesday. He was assisted by his kids. After some joking he gave the sign of the cross and pardoned three turkeys, one named Popcorn, one named Caramel and one named Health Care.Gov.
• The White House issued talking points telling people how to argue for the Affordable Care Act with Republicans at their Thanksgiving table. It never stops. People are starting to believe that the bin Laden raid was just a bungled attempt to sign him up for Obamacare.
• ABC's cooking show star Nigella Lawson was accused by her rich husband in divorce papers of being on cocaine, pot and prescription pills for years. Networks are tired of apologizing to the public for its stars. You either want personality in a TV host or you don't.
• O.J. Simpson failed to get his armed robbery and kidnapping convictions thrown out due to an incompetent defense Wednesday in Las Vegas. He leveled with the court. O.J. told the judge there is no way he committed either crime because it's not murdery enough.
• Alex Rodriguez angrily denied taking any performance-enhancing drugs during his Major League Baseball hearings last week in New York. He insisted he doesn't put any foreign substances in his body. Everything he takes is made right here in the good old USA.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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