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Jewish World Review December 24, 2012 / 11 Teves, 5773 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The Senate held hearings on the administration's failure to protect the U.S. consulate in Benghazi from attack last fall. Cables show the attack was predicted and ignored. The White House has admitted that mistakes were made, but maintains that no one made them.
Russia's parliament voted overwhemingly to ban Americans from adopting Russian kids and bringing them to the U.S. It's an issue of sportsmanship. The Russians figure that when their kids are fighting the Germans in the next war, at least they get to fire back.
President Obama named Joe Biden to head a task force to try to ban assault weapons Thursday. This ensures their proliferation. With Joe Biden in charge, the catalogue for Victoria's Secret will not only offer you bazookas you can admire but bazookas you can fire.
The British government announced that the unemployed will be required to search for jobs on a Jobs Match website or risk losing benefits. The website matches jobs with people. They meet at a coffee shop and discuss why their past relationships didn't work out.
The National Institutes of Health's survey showed that one-fifth of high school seniors smoke pot at least once a month. That's an improvement. Pot smokers used to be a much higher number but the government's school lunch program restricts pizza to once a month.
Argentina cordoned off its volcano because it feared local indigenous tribes would throw themselves in at the moment of the apocalpyse. The volcano is used year-round. The Indian casinos in Argentina have a collections department that would make Las Vegas swoon.
Doomsday Eve parties were held in New York Thursday night to welcome the Mayan Apocalypse. The attendees were swingers who wanted to go out drinking, drugging and sleeping around. The Mayan Apocalypse was forecast every weekend back in the Seventies.
The U.S. Treasury will sell its stake in GM and get out of the car business. The U.S. gave GM fifty billion dollars four years ago and will recoup forty billion of it. The ten billion dollar loss makes GM the most profitable branch of the U.S. government, so it had to be sold.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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