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Jewish World Review December 19, 2012 / 7 Teves, 5773 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Steven Spielberg's Lincoln got the most Golden Globe nominations Friday. America's sixteenth president was some character. In his time Lincoln was nicknamed Honest Abe and the Great Emancipator but nowadays he's better known by his rap name, One Cent.
Mob movie director Martin Scorsese announced Monday he'll make a documentary on Bill Clinton. The president was raised in Hot Springs, Arkansas, which was a hangout for Chicago gangsters. This is a story of how they all ended up together in Washington D.C.
U.S. Senator John Kerry was reported Sunday set to be named Secretary of State. He's a known commodity nationally. Sixty percent of Americans can identify a photograph of John Kerry, the bad news is that the majority still thinks he's the dad from the Munsters.
President Obama's address on gun violence preceded Sunday's NFL game airing on NBC. It changed nothing. One team's offense operated out of the pistol, the other team operated out of the shotgun and the winning TD was scored when they completed a bomb.
NASA crashed two orbiters into the moon Monday after they ran out of fuel. They felt it was better to litter the moon than to keep littering the atmosphere. Even the Sierra Club says it's better to have a landfill on the moon than it is to risk cell phone interference.
President Obama said Friday he will not use U.S. law to go after pot smokers in states where it's legal. The president said he's got bigger fish to fry. Anytime you want pot smokers to come out with their hands up, just tease them with the prospect of fried fish.
Donald Trump purchased the Ritz-Carlton Golf and Country Club in Florida Monday and renamed it Trump National Golf Club. There's now a chain of twelve Trump National Golf Clubs. They don't use caddies, you just yell into the clown's mouth what club you want.
Japan's voters elected the Liberal Democratic party to power Sunday along with its hawkish leader Shinzo Abe. The new prime minister wants Japan to get tough against China's growing military power but it's no cause for alarm. War between Japan and China led to the last World War, which got us out of the depression and led to a housing boom.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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