Jewish World Review Dec. 19, 2011 / 23 Kislev, 5772
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Dan Quayle endorsed Mitt Romney for president just hours before Thursday's GOP debate on Fox News. He probably wants this thing settled and over with fast. Dan Quayle must be sick and tired of turning on the TV every night and seeing Rick Perry steal his act.
NFL owners approved the sale of the Jacksonville Jaguars to Pakistan-born Shalid Khan Friday. He loves the pre-game. Being from Pakistan he's never seen U.S. planes flyover because stealth technology doesn't let you know they're overhead until you have been hit.
Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows starring Robert Downey Jr. opened Friday in which the detective battles the evil Professor Moriarty. They're playing for keeps this time. The professor tries to blow up the world when the governor of Wisconsin cuts his pension.
Elizabeth Taylor's entire jewelry collection was auctioned at Christie's Friday. The jewels fetched a hundred and forty million dollars. When you get married nine times you accumulate a lot of jewelry, half of it before the proposal and half of it after the cheating.
Senate Democrats prepared to give up on their demand for a surtax on millionaires Friday. They're tired of hearing from voters about the terrible economy and they want to go home for Christmas. They can't wait to get to the shopping malls so they can be alone.
The Death Penalty Information Center in Washington reports the lowest number of state executions last year in thirty-five years. Only forty men were put to death. It's a sad fact that every athlete declines with age and Texas Governor Rick Perry is no exception.
President Obama was reported Thursday to have lost the support of young voters in a national survey by Harvard University. The backlash is real. The three top yearbook honors for high school students today are Most Popular, Best Athlete, and Most Like Nixon.
The NTSB urged states to ban drivers from using all electronic devices while driving Tuesday. That's a bad idea. Texting while driving may actually increase safety, it allows Americans to signal for a left-hand turn on their Facebook page where everyone can see it.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton