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Jewish World Review Dec. 8, 2011 / 12 Kislev, 5772 And now for the important news .... By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The National Archives acquired every tweet ever made Monday from Twitter's tweet bank. Don't worry about privacy. The tweet bank will be sent to the U.S. government which will give it to the Federal Reserve, which will loan it to Greece, where it will be lost forever.
Congress heard testimony Monday that no fence can seal the Mexican border. They can always build a higher ladder. The only thing that works is a bad economy, allowing Barack Obama to boast he has the best record in forty years of halting illegal immigration.
South Carolina legalized incandescent light bulbs to defy the federal ban on them in January. Energy-saving fluorescent will be the law. The only thing that burns as brightly as incandescent bulbs is whale oil, and lately people have been going to Sea World just for the souvenir reading lamps.
The White House said Monday it wants the women's morning-after-pill sold over the counter. It would need no prescription. And just to be on the safe side drug makers have also invented the men's morning after pill that changes your DNA and your phone number.
Cal Berkeley astronomers said Monday they discovered two huge black holes on the edge of the universe. Black holes are gluttons that eat up galaxies, stars and suns. NASA is under pressure from Democrats to stop giving away toys with every Solar System Meal.
The American Heritage Dictionary changed its definition of anchor baby Monday to term it as offensive after pressure by Hispanic groups. Things have really changed. For the first time in two hundred years you have to press two to read the dictionary in English.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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