Jewish World Review Dec. 23, 2008 / 26 Kislev 5769
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Caroline Kennedy had lunch with Al Sharpton at a soul food restaurant in Harlem Thursday. They share a bond. Al Sharpton runs an outfit called the National Action Network, and John F. Kennedy had a little black book called the National Action Network.
Wall Street swindler Bernie Madoff was placed under house arrest Thursday. His crimes left a lot of people embarrassed. We have cameras at street corners, cameras at the banks, cameras at the ATMs and nobody saw a guy stealing fifty billion dollars.
Sarah Palin's future in-law Sherry Johnston was arrested on Friday, reportedly for selling crystal meth. Her son's promised to marry Sarah's nine-month pregnant daughter. It is good to know that in a state where all the ice is melting you can always make more.
Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich shrugged off corruption charges Saturday and issued twenty-two Christmas pardons to criminals in the state prison. He's always thinking. If he can issue enough of these, he won't have to share a cell with anybody.
The U.S. and Britain sent ships to the Gulf of Aden to battle the Somali pirates Friday. It's about time. If Somalis wonder who controls the seas and how long they have controlled the seas, they only have to ask themselves why dolphins understand English.
U.S. Congressman William Jefferson will be replaced by a Republican next month after he was arrested for having ninety thousand dollars in cash in his freezer. Today he looks like the smartest money manager in America. Just think of all the Jewish charities that would still be solvent today if they'd invested with William Jefferson.
© 2007, Argus Hamilton