Jewish World Review Dec 12, 2007 / 3 Teves 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Al Gore accepted the Nobel Peace Prize on Monday at a glittering international ceremony in Oslo. His deep voice and slow delivery and polite tone nearly put the crowd to sleep. It made comedians realize how close we came to disaster seven years ago.
The Weather Channel reported Monday that ice storms cut power lines and closed schools in the Midwest. Ice was an inch thick on the roads. It was so cold in Iowa that people were showing up at Mike Huckabee rallies just for the fire and brimstone.
Newt Gingrich told ABC News Sunday that he would run for vice president if the GOP nominee asked him. Newt Gingrich would be a perfect running mate for Rudy Giuliani. Between the two of them, they would be just sixty wives behind King Solomon.
Bill Clinton told Iowa voters he was so impressed with Hillary when they dated that he told her she should dump him and go home and run for office herself. You can bet she impressed him. He still has the impression in his forehead where the lamp hit him.
Michael Vick was sentenced Monday to two years in jail for arranging dogfights at his home. He was forced to wear his black and white striped prison shirt in court. Animal rights protesters took one look at him and called for a boycott of Foot Locker.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull starring Harrison Ford was given a May release date by the studio Monday. The hero still carries a bullwhip. That's so he can travel through Saudi Arabia on Girls Night Out without being noticed.
The New York Philharmonic Orchestra agreed on Monday to perform in North Korea with the blessing of the State Department. No one knows what to expect from this audience. They could stage a food riot the moment they smell the popcorn in the lobby.
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton