Jewish World Review Dec. 20, 2004 / 8 Teves, 5765
important news ....
The Aviator opened Thursday about Howard Hughes, who
parlayed his oil fortune into a career as aviation pioneer and
movie mogul and legendary womanizer. The nation thrilled to his
daredevil stunts. This was back in the days before penicillin.
Washington D.C.'s City Council broke off its deal to fund a
Major League stadium Tuesday. It simply wasn't possible for the
city's long-established illicit sex district and the stadium to
share the same land. Traction is everything in baseball.
Whitney Houston was uninjured Thursday night when her car
crashed into a bus in Georgia. She's decided to live in Atlanta,
not Los Angeles. This is the first sign that in addition to clean
air and water, Los Angeles is running out of alcohol.
Oklahoma University made national news by outlawing beer and
liquor and wine on campus. The holidays aren't the same without
alcohol. Perhaps the most time-honored tradition of office
Christmas parties is looking for a new job the next day.
Hillary Clinton declared Wednesday she is opposed to illegal
immigration and she ripped employers who hire illegals. She's
trying to appeal to conservatives. This week she's going to
introduce a new line of faith-based husband ankle monitors.
China held a beauty contest Saturday for women who have had
cosmetic surgery on their faces or necks or breasts or stomachs.
It was televised. They had a swim suit competition and a talent
contest before the winner was crowned Miss Joan Rivers.
Lisa Marie Presley sold the marketing rights to her father's
name on Thursday to a Wall Streeter for a hundred million dollars.
It includes memorabilia sales and museum revenues. Chelsea Clinton
just realized if she can remember to look both ways before she
crosses the street, she will someday be an extremely wealthy woman.
Osama bin Laden threatened to destroy the world in a new
tape Thursday. He's become quite the toastmaster. He told the
audio engineer that he brought along a fifteen or a twenty-minute
speech--fifteen without laughs and twenty with laughs.
Las Vegas became the likely destination for the defunct
Washington Nationals major league ball team Thursday. That means
outfielders will get to stand under the sun for three hours in the
Mojave Desert in July. We're nicer to al-Qaeda.
Saddam Hussein was allowed to confer with his defense
attorney Thursday. For four tense hours it was just the dictator
and a trial lawyer in one cell. The Pentagon was forced to fly in
Siegfried and Roy to keep them from eating each other.
The Bronx District Attorney said Thursday he will
investigate Bernard Kerik. The ousted Homeland Security nominee
used mob connections to remodel his apartment. Investigators got
suspicious when they found Jimmy Hoffa in the wall aquarium.
Neverland Ranch was raided Saturday by police who searched
Michael Jackson's home for evidence. The court may take away his
kids. He's trying to hammer out a visitation deal that would let
him dangle them from a balcony every other weekend.
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