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Jewish World Review Dec. 9, 2004 / 26 Kislev, 5765

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports
And now for the
important news .... | Bud Selig vowed Tuesday to achieve strict steroid testing in baseball. Don't worry about the culprits. Five years from now Barry Bonds and Jason Giambi and Sammy Sosa will be inducted into the Bill Clinton Presidential Library for cheating.

John McCain labeled steroids a health danger to players Monday. The sluggers show the effects. If their voices had gotten any higher or their genitals any smaller Gloria Allred would be on the Larry King Show defending them as wronged women.

Congress passed a reform bill Tuesday which creates the post of Intelligence Czar. The question is who? The way the Drug Czar ended the drug trade and the Energy Czar reduced gasoline prices, the Intelligence Czar could only be Dan Quayle.

Bill Clinton helped to launch a new Chinese Internet search engine company Tuesday after it made a donation to his library. It's an example of networking in Arkansas. The company is backed by the government of China, a division of Wal-Mart.

The Gallup Poll said Monday that Americans most admire pharmacists and least admire car salesmen. It pretty much sums up our culture. In America nothing is so overrated as a good set of wheels and nothing is so underrated as access to drugs.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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