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Jewish World Review Dec. 3, 2004 / 20 Kislev, 5765

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports
And now for the
important news .... | Tom Brokaw delivered his last broadcast as the anchorman on the NBC Nightly News Wednesday evening. He broke down crying that morning on the Today Show. His mother told him to have something to fall back on but he never took her advice.

Johnson & Johnson said Tuesday its epilepsy drug Topamax was not effective as a treatment for obesity. It's on everyone's mind. You know you gained weight over Thanksgiving week when you sit in the bathtub and the water in the toilet rises.

The Supreme Court agreed Wednesday to prevent an Indian church in New Mexico from using hallucinogenic tea. It's more mind-bending than LSD. Every Sunday people walk out of the church believing that the Middle East is ready for democracy.

Senator Norm Coleman demanded that Kofi Annan resign as U.N. Secretary-General due to the involvement of the U.N. leader's son in a money scandal. It's obvious what's going on here. The senator has twelve weeks to clear out the U.N. building and convert it to condominiums or Donald Trump will fire him on national television.

Ford Motor Company announced Tuesday it will throw a party at the Super Bowl in Jacksonville. It will honor the Sports Illustrated swimsuit models. American companies are devising ingenious ways to get Bill Clinton to waive his speaking fee.

Princess Diana was heard on tapes on NBC Tuesday discussing her misery while married to Prince Charles. The couple was plainly drifting apart. One night they heard a loud knock at the bedroom door and she asked Charles to hide in the closet.

Robert Blake's murder trial begins on Monday in Los Angeles. He's accused of shooting his wife in the back of the head with a World War II German pistol. The actor has never been in trouble before, but for the pistol it was like old times.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

© 2004, Argus Hamilton