My niece is a no-goodnik, when lifecycle events become dangerous, Orthodox v. Reform education
By Wendy Belzberg
http://www.jewishworldreview.com --
My brother and his family live in Israel. His twelve year-old daughter is
having a bat-mitzvah in March and we of course said we would attend. Given
the current political situation there, however, I no longer feel comfortable
taking my wife and three children to Israel. Do we have to go and, if not,
how do I break the news?
I don't envy you the task of telling your brother that you don't feel
comfortable risking your children's lives for a week, when his children's
lives are at risk every day of the year.
I don't know your brother or whether or not he and his wife are
grudge-bearers. But if they are, and not even one representative of your
family attends, I predict that the memory of the recent street-fighting might
fade faster than the memory of your absence. If you don't want to take your
wife and children, at least you can go (get your affairs in order before you
leave).
Still, this is one of those rare occasions where my opinion doesn't matter.
You are responsible for taking care of your family, and the only people who
have a vote about whether you attend are you and your wife.
* * *
You know the adage "less is more?" Well, in this case, more is more.
The time to teach your children Hebrew is when they are young and have a
greater facility for learning new languages. Also, the better educated they
are the better equipped to make an intelligent decision about what Judaism
means to them. Without getting in the middle of your debate, it is easier to
discard information that you already have than it is to play catch-up later.
Err on the side of Orthodoxy, and let your children sort the shades of
Judaism out for themselves. Retreat to your corner and rest up. There will
be many more things to go to the mat over in the future.
* * *
Your sons are old enough to be told and to understand the facts of life:
namely that you expect them to finish high school, graduate college and work
for a living. There is nothing disloyal to your niece about telling your sons
that their cousin's behavior does not pass muster in your home.
Meanwhile, since your niece is behaving like she's 14, you will have to
remind her that she is at least 5 years older and more mature (flattery goes
a long way) than her cousins and that she needs to consider more carefully
the topics of conversation she covers with your sons.
Finally, I did not become an advice columnist by holding my opinions to
myself. Your sibling may not have asked your opinion, but that should not
stop you from offering one. You are looking out for your sons, but who is
looking out for your
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