July 3rd, 2022


Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Argus Hamilton

By Argus Hamilton

Published November 29, 2021

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report
Butterball reported a record number of turkeys sold for Thanksgiving this year. I think most Americans felt great by the end of the day. There's no feeling like the relief you feel when you are so broke from paying for Thanksgiving Dinner you can't afford to go Black Friday shopping.

Kiplinger's says healthy living and advanced medicine will let Americans live longer than ever before. Each generation is different. I think the reason Baby Boomers will have a long lifespan is because when we were young back in the Seventies, drinking, cigarettes and drugs weren't bad for you.

The CDC told Americans to keep washing our hands and masking-up as directed by a dutiful media Friday, ignoring that Britain has gone back to completely normal. Yesterday, with time on my hands I cleaned off my TV screen with an anti-virus wipe. I lost CNN, MSNBC, ABC, CBS and NBC.

Dr. Fauci informed Americans that Thanksgiving travel and holiday get-togethers may result in the need for more booster shots. The exhausted public is increasingly willing to simply take our chances. The difference between Moderna and Kyle Rittenhouse is that his three shots were effective.

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The New York Post profiled the three Kenosha rioters Kyle Rittenhouse shot while assaulting him. They were a pedophile, a woman beater and a burglar aiming an illegal handgun at him. Rittenhouse bagged two out of three, and number three won't be opening a pickle jar any time soon.

The Kyle Rittenhouse verdict evoked outrage on the left followed by outrage on the right over the Christmas parade attacker. It took a murder conviction of three Georgia white guys to cool things off. America is falling apart faster than Alec Baldwin's anger management aftercare program.

The National Retail Federation forecast record high retail sales on Black Friday thanks to the strong economy and pent-up demand from last's year's shutdowns. Shoppers purchased so many labor-saving devices that America won't have to produce any new jobs for the next one hundred years.

President Biden visited the Coast Guard station at Nantucket on Thanksgiving Day to give the coastal guards a pep talk. They could expect a good chewing out. President Biden only needs to see Hunter's laptop videos to remind the Coast Guard that too many drugs are still getting through.

The National Retail Federation says fifty-eight million Americans will go holiday shopping on Black Friday. I have one request for the sake of good TV news video. If you are going shopping on Black Friday. be a decent human being and turn your phone horizontal before recording the fights.

Psychology Today acknowledged the stress Americans go through during the shopping frenzy period lasting from Thanksgiving to Black Friday to Christmas Eve. While I was at the grocery store Wednesday, I had the rudest and nastier cashier. It was my fault for using the self-checkout line.

Hillary Clinton went on MSNBC Tuesday and spoke about how campaign disinformation can undermine our democracy. She wasn't a very a good sport when disinformation didn't work. President Trump became the second U.S. president in history to get impeached for humiliating Hillary.

USA Today said WalMart, Target, Best Buy and Home Depot stayed closed all Thanksgiving Day. It's just a pre-Black Friday gesture of mercy until the labor shortage ends. The Big Box stores want to open so early that by next year the traditional Thanksgiving dinner will be a hot dog at Costco.

South Dakota paid a PR firm five hundred grand to come up with a catchy billboard slogan to demonstrate the state's commitment to treating meth addiction. The billboard slogan South Dakota adopted was Meth, We're on It! It inspired Bakersfield to adopt its own billboard slogan, So Are We!