May 23rd, 2022


Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Argus Hamilton

By Argus Hamilton

Published November 18, 2021

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report
The National Institute of Health bemoaned the latest obesity statistics on Tuesday and lectured Americans about the need for healthier eating habits post-pandemic. Yesterday during my jog in West Hollywood, I saw an ambulance in front of Whole Foods. Somebody must have eaten gluten.

Los Angeles gasoline prices hit six dollars a gallon on Tuesday along with sky-high prices for the food, snacks and drinks the stations sell. I remember a time when you could walk into the gas station with a quarter and leave with a candy bar and a Coke. Now they have cameras everywhere.

The Kyle Rittenhouse jury summations were presented by the defense counsel and the district attorney Monday. The DA went over the top by pointing an AR-15 assault rifle at the jury without checking to see if it was loaded. It was as if he'd been hit on the head with Alec Baldwin's skateboard.

The Kyle Rittenhouse case went to the jury Tuesday as protestors and supporters squared off outside the courthouse. As tensions mounted, protestors appeared set to riot and storm the building in case of a verdict of not guilty. If only someone were there with an AR-15 to protect the courthouse.

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President Biden held a video meeting halfway with China President Xi. Afterwards Joe said he committed to the defense of Taiwan, then he said he didn't commit to Taiwan's defense, or maybe it was the other way around. The Weather Channel says the five-day forecast for Taiwan is two days.

President Biden thanked Big Bird on Sesame Street for agreeing to get a vaccination shot last week to set example for the kids who watch Sesame Street. Joe got an idea from the show. After Joe Biden heard the stadium chants Saturday he signed an executive order banning the letters F, J and B.

The Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey Circus will bring back the Greatest Show on Earth after a five-year layoff. The clowns are training in Sarasota. With the competition the circus has gotten from Congress in the last five years, everyone agrees these clowns have some big shoes to fill.

Jeffrey Epstein pal Ghislaine Maxwell is set for trial for grooming underage girls for sex with Epstein and his pals. Evidence includes flight logs to his Caribbean retreat. All the mischief on Epstein Island has inspired a movie starring George Clooney as Bill Clinton called Oh, She's Eleven.

New Jersey ex-Governor Chris Christie insists he still considers Donald Trump a friend after he advised the GOP to get past The Donald. CNN is launching a new show called being Chris Christie. Which is a lot cheaper than a new show on the Food Channel called Feeding Chris Christie.

The Drug Enforcement Agency published statistics showing that twenty percent of Americans used illegal drugs in the past year. Movie studios set a bad example. Last month the Seven Dwarves were kicked out of the Paralympics in Tokyo after testing positive for drugs—Sleepy for Valium, Sneezy for cocaine, Dopey for heroin, Happy for ecstasy and Grumpy for meth and Doc for supplying.