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Jewish World Review Nov. 4, 2020 Rogue Report By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The Wall Street Journal published an Election Day analysis predicting that the victory margin in Tuesday's presidential election would be razor thin. I just found out my great-uncle in Chicago, a lifelong Republican voted Democrat yesterday. This would have never happened if he were still alive
• Election Day followed tradition with the first election return reporting after midnight from the New Hampshire hamlet of Dixville Notch. It was closely watched. For the first time ever, we had two married candidates publicly accused by other women of having more than one Notch in their Dixville.
• President Trump and Joe Biden supporters waited up until late last night to receive the voter's verdict on Election Day 2020. This has been without doubt the most emotionally contentious U.S. presidential contest since 1860. I guess today we find out if America is a house divided or a tear down.
• Hollywood movie icon Sean Connery passed away at the age of ninety Friday after a career of playing James Bond, Robin Hood and The Man Who Would Be King. Defying today's cancel culture, he stayed macho to his final days. Sean Connery's dying wish was for Trump to be re-elected.
• USA Today reported ninety-four million people had voted by mail Sunday which added further uncertainty to last night's tensions. Hunter Biden got a little upset at his Election Night watch party. He walked into the den and found that somebody sprinkled coffee grounds on his cocaine table.
• West Hollywood's Whole Foods grocery store boarded up Monday. It was in case Trump won. I was afraid of this local panic when Trump started playing the Village People's YMCA at his rallies, and he said he felt so good he wanted to kiss every girl and guy in the crowd. • Los Angeles Police went on full tactical alert yesterday as tensions mounted before the votes came in. If Biden loses the election, Antifa protestors in L.A. are making plans to riot in the city's big shopping centers and malls, with one thought on their minds. DON'T forget the remote this time. • President Trump held his watch party at one of his hotels in Washington as the numbers came in Tuesday. It's the most important election ever. It determines which member of the Conway family gets to gloat at Thanksgiving and which members look long and hard at the carving knife on the table. • Election Day turnout was huge Tuesday, making the final vote count tricky to predict. Pollsters said the election hinged on liberal white suburban women voters. A group of birds is called a flock, a range full of cattle is called a herd, and a gathering of Karen's is called a Homeowner's Association. • President Trump wore himself to the bone the last week performing five rallies a day, winding up in Grand Rapids Monday. That was the site of his last rally in 2016, when he shocked Hillary. I'll say this for Hillary, if she had been elected president, Covid would have committed suicide by now. • American Heritage pointed out the U.S. never had a presidential contest between two men aged 74 and 77. So much is riding on yesterday's vote. This election determines who will become the next president and who will become the next TV commercial spokesman for Reverse Home Mortgages. • Daylight Savings Time went into effect Sunday, giving American voters an extra hour to rest up before Election Day. It's the first time I can remember nobody looking forward to it. Turning back the clocks and getting an extra hour of 2020 is like getting a bonus track on a Yoko Ono album.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2020, Argus Hamilton |
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