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Jewish World Review Nov. 26, 2013 / 23 Kislev, 5774 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• Caroline Kennedy arrived in Tokyo to present her credentials as the U.S. Ambassador to Japan Wednesday. The next day Harry Reid decided to kill the Senate filibuster rule. Leave it to Democrats to exercise the nuclear option with the last living Kennedy in Japan.
• Senate Democrats stated Friday that ending the filibuster would help them complete their agenda. So true. If you're a gay Mexican marijuana grower who snuck across the border for a free hernia operation so you can join the Navy, this is the best year of your life.
• Warsaw hosted a climate conference Friday with two hundred nations in attendance to fight what they claim is global warming. There is an upside to this. At the rate the polar ice cap is melting, within a year Ted Williams will be back in left field for the Boston Red Sox.
• Oregon's website for Obamacare was hit by hackers Friday and health care applicants were sent to a porn site. It works great. After forty-five minutes of exploring different plans, male applicants reported they've never felt so healthy, relaxed, and ready for a snack.
• Toronto mayor Rob Ford apologized after videotape caught him smoking crack and pot from a beer pong. It broke no Canadian laws. Apparently if you have a government health care system that works, you can smoke anything you want and it's no harm, no foul.
• Hugo Chavez's successor Nicolas Maduro signed an emergency decree Friday limiting profits in Venezuela. He accused the CIA of giving Chavez the cancer that killed him last year. A warning is printed on every oil rig saying that nationalization may give you cancer.
• John Kerry negotiated a proposal with the Afghan government Tuesday which would allow U.S. troops and bases to remain in Afghanistan after next spring's pullout. We would pay Afghans billions to let us stay there. It's like buying a hunting license for drone attacks.
• Chicago gangs are sucker punching white people on the streets in a new game called Knockout. It's payback time. Twenty-five years ago the Bush family divided America into Blue States and Red States without paying a nickel in royalties to the Crips and the Bloods.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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