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Jewish World Review Nov. 18 2013 / 15 Kislev, 5774 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• America's oldest World War II veteran Richard Overton was honored this Veteran's Day. He credited his 107 years to a daily regimen of whisky and cigars. Within the hour twelve million Americans went on the government website and signed up for OvertonCare.
• John Kerry returned from Geneva after failing to strike a deal with Iran to limit their nuclear output. He felt so sabotaged. The deal fell through after President Obama picked up the phone and told the Iranians if they like their reactors, they could keep their reactors.
• The Canadian Health Ministry ordered Thursday that Canada's doctors are no longer allowed to prescribe heroin to patients. Doctors say the highly-addictive morphine derivative is the best sedative and pain killer in the world. Only Facebook has more users.
• Toronto mayor Rob Ford admitted smoking crack in a drunken stupor but denied he has a problem. A female staffer said he offered her oral sex. As a result of all this, people in Los Angeles think Mayor of Toronto is an honorary title given to the coolest guy in Canada.
• House Republicans and Democrats vowed to introduce improvements to Obamacare in Congress. The political landscape has changed dramatically. Health insurance didn't used to be considered that big a deal but cable TV's so good today that nobody wants to die.
• The L.A. Times said a million Californians have been canceled by their insurers due to Obamacare. It's unsettling. This morning a Beverly Hills attorney woke up in his hospital bed and looked out the window and saw a fire across the street and just assumed he'd died.
• The Pink Star diamond sold for eighty-six million dollars at auction in Geneva Friday, bought by an anonymous billionaire. It was the most money ever paid for a precious gem. Who says that Cialis only costs a hundred dollars a pill, including the drinks and the room?
• President Obama let health insurers restore policies to canceled people. This'll rob healthy policyholders from Obamacare and bankrupt it. President Obama and Kathleen Sebelius were onstage at an event last night and they stood in the Missing Curley formation.
• President Obama admitted his approval ratings are low Thursday. He'll always have one huge accomplishment. President Obama has improved this country to the point that even racists have completely forgotten that he's black and despise him only for his policies.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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