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Jewish World Review Nov. 7, 2013 / 4 Kislev, 5774 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• The U.S. offered to help referee a dispute between Hong Kong and the Philippines over an old hostage drama. Negotiations would be tricky between Hong Kong and the United States. It's a self-ruling former British colony but is owned by China, and so is Hong Kong.
• Daily Variety said Fox is making a TV series about legendary Boston mobster Whitey Bulger. The convicted mobster hid in L.A. for sixteen years before the FBI found him. If you've really got what it takes, nothing will keep you from being discovered in Los Angeles.
• The Miami Dolphins fired guard Richie Incognito for bullying a rookie. He promised to break the kid's limbs and extorted him for fifteen grand. The scouting report by the Gambino crime family reads that Richie Incognito has everything it takes to be a top earner.
• Toronto Mayor Rob Ford admitted Tuesday that he smoked crack cocaine last year during a drunken spree. They love him up there. Rob Ford has an overeating problem and an alcohol problem and a cocaine problem, which in Canada is known as the hat trick.
• Willie Nelson told a TV interviewer Monday he's writing a book about his life and he promises to discuss his pot smoking. His band shouldn't have his name on the bus. The last time the cops pulled it over, they were sitting at a stop sign, waiting for it to turn green.
• Larry King interviewed Rob Lowe about playing John F. Kennedy in the movie Killing Kennedy on the host's new talk show on cable. The show is a welcome sight. Larry King decided to return to work after spending the first two years of his retirement opening a jar.
• The Pentagon cleaned up a security breach involving President Obama's command over national defense. It's vital. Everywhere the president goes, he is followed by a U.S. general who carries a briefcase containing the codes to the latest ObamaCare explanation.
• The White House promised Tuesday to have the ObamaCare website running in four weeks. The engineers are working on it. A computer allows you to make more mistakes than any invention in human history, with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
• President Obama's job approval tanked Monday after he changed his story on what he promised on ObamaCare. There is a solution. This is the point in every president's life when Dick Cheney comes into the oval office and lays out Operation Change the Subject.
• Iran street protesters pounded on the cars of Westerners Monday as they celebrated Revolution Day. War may be imminent. Americans will tolerate being taken hostage and we will endure airport security all because Iran hates us, but we draw the line at car abuse.
• Cal Tech astronomers sent a Kepler telescope into space and found billions of planets like Earth in our galaxy. What a relief. The NSA is so bored with the two billion people here on Earth it already knows everything about and it's desperate for new dirt on beings.
• Wall Street titan Steven Cohen agreed to a plea deal with U.S. prosecutors Monday for insider trading on the stock exchange. He will pay a two-billion-dollar fine from the ten billion dollars he's made in the market. The idea is to teach him that crime doesn't pay.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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