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Jewish World Review Nov. 5, 2013 / 2 Kislev, 5774 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• The Washington D.C. City Council ordered the police to set up prostitution-free zones in ten city blocks during major U.S. government events and protest rallies. You can't make it up. Washington is so corrupt we just rope off areas where people actually follow the law.
• Rap star Chris Brown made news Sunday when he was arrested for felony assault in Washington D.C . The singer punched a man in the face for trying to get into a cellphone photo with him. Out of habit, Rihanna drove herself to the emergency room in Los Angeles.
• The U.S. said four million Americans went on the ObamaCare website on the first day and six people bought policies. That's six sales in four million sales pitches to the private sector. Jehovah's Witnesses just sent a telegram to Uncle Sam saying welcome to our world.
• The White House insisted Friday President Obama didn't know about the health care website mess or the NSA spying on allies. He also didn't know about Benghazi or the IRS targeting the Tea Party. It just proves the truth in the saying that ignorance is re-election.
• The White House was serenaded by its first group of Christmas carolers Friday. They were testy. No one wants to say people are mad about losing their health plans despite presidential promises but the carolers were singing It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Nixon.
• The White House admitted Thursday that ObamaCare will be more expensive than it was originally projected. Also, patients won't be given much time for their medical examination. If you want a second opinion, the doctor goes out the door and comes in again.
• The Boston Red Sox enjoyed a huge victory parade Saturday along Boyleston Street to the Charles River. The ballplayers were still wearing the long beards they grew this summer. During a three-run double in the final game, the runners stopped to raise a barn.
• Lance Armstrong lost a court ruling Friday to halt a company from recouping the twelve million dollar bonus they gave him for winning the Tour de France. What a mess. It just validates the motto printed on the Cheesecake Factory menu, that exercise just leads to prosecution,
• Huffington Post said Friday there are seventy thousand Americans over one hundred years old. Many of the men were lawyers, stockbrokers and government officials. It's clear that golf needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our country's most useless citizens.
• The U.N. declared Syria's chemical weapons sites inoperable Thursday, preventing an U.S. attack on Syria. The cooperation was rare. The U.S. believes in the U.N. Charter the same way Roman Catholics believe in the rhythm method, it's a great idea that it rarely practices.
• The NSA chief told Congress Thursday that NSA wiretaps are done only on terrorist suspects. That's true to a point. If you call the NSA, the telephone recording tells you to press one to listen to the French leaders, press two to listen to Germany's leaders, and if you have any dirt on the Republicans, please hold and the president will be right with you.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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