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Jewish World Review Nov. 23, 2012 / 9 Kislev, 5773 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The World's Biggest Liar annual contest was held in a northwestern English pub this week. It's the Super Bowl for storytellers. This year the winner gets an all-expense-paid trip to Washington to explain to Congress who changed the CIA talking points on Benghazi.
President Obama and Congress will begin budget negotiations Tuesday to avoid the pending fiscal cliff. Our elected leaders have run up a record sixteen trillion dollars in debt. If this were any other company in America that would mean it's executive bonus time.
GOP presidential candidate Marco Rubio ducked a question in Iowa asking him how old he thinks the earth is. Some say ten thousand years and some say four billion. The only thing we know is that California has had a little work done and it's older than it looks.
L.A. Airport was blocked by public sector union marchers trying to shut down holiday travel. It was for a living wage. A living wage in L.A. consists of enough money for the iPhone, the BMW payment, and a little something to pay down the debt to the coke dealer.
Oklahoma Governor Mary Fallin defied the White House and refused to comply with the Obama Care law. It's a different world. Last week the rap star Pit Bull was booked to sing at the Windstar Casino and three rednecks showed up with their dogs wanting to fight.
Native American groups marked Thanksgiving by demanding that the Washington Redskins change their name. The groups say the name signifies racism, conquest and cultural imperialism. So the team agreed to change their name to the Maryland Redskins.
USA Today reported thousands of U.S. families set up laptops on Thanksgiving tables Thursday allowing them to get together via Skype broadcast. It's risky. Skype warns everybody at the start of the conversation not to start taking off their clothes out of habit.
Bill and Hillary Clinton delayed Thanksgiving dinner until she returned home from overseas. What a scene. Imagine the tension when Hillary sashayed past Bill in the serving line with that I-achieved-a-Mideast-peace-agreement-and-you-didn't air about her.
Hillary Clinton helped broker a cease-fire between Hamas miitants in the Gaza Strip and the Israelis on Wednesday. Doves still won't fly near the place. What does it say about a peace agreement when two hundred people were killed in the celebratory gunfire?
The Nixon Administration's surviving staffers held a reunion at Donald Rumsfeld's house to honor Nixon on the upcoming centennial of his birth. He's still polarizing. Republicans say he'd be a hundred years old and Democrats say he'd be lying about his age.
Hostess refused bakers' demands Tuesday and may sell the Hostess brands to Grupo Bimbo bakery of Mexico. Their packing is famous throughout the world. You know it's Grupo Bimbo when you see a little cartoon of Jill Kelley and Paula Broadwell on the package.
Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation bought half the New York Yankees' cable TV network this week. It's the parent company of Fox News. As per company policy all players who appear on TV camera will have to dye their hair blond and wear tight sleeveless uniforms.
The Transportation Department blamed the recession for fewer people flying home for Christmas this year. They estimate a record seventy thousand Americans will travel by train. That's a lot of people running along the tracks and hopping into open freight cars.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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