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Jewish World Review Nov. 8, 2012 / 23 Mar-Cheshvan, 5773 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Americans let out a huge sigh of relief when the presidential contest finally ended on Tuesday. Unfortunately we will still be subjected to a never-ending campaign. The Kardashians have been sleeping in a coffin for nine months waiting for this election to end.
Glamor magazine surveyed readers who used dating websites and social media sites to meet their lovers. It's a success story. It says twelve percent of married adults met their spouses online and the other eighty-eight percent met somebody else's spouse online.
Staples Center got the approval to build an NFL stadium in Los Angeles Monday. Now it gets real. We need to get a new team with a new team nickname, and the only team nickname that accurately represents the city would be the Los Angeles Fighting Narcissists.
Lindsay Lohan will be charged in Santa Monica with lying to police when she crashed a rented Porsche in Malibu in June. She'd said she wasn't driving. She's in trouble, but not nearly as much trouble as that rental car agent who rented a Porsche to Lindsay Lohan.
Rory McElroy signed a two hundred million dollar deal with Nike Tuesday and then cut a TV ad with Tiger Woods. It's the only sponsor that has stood by Woods. When Rory's girlfriend learned he'd signed with Nike, she nearly broke his nose with a nine-iron.
Senator Robert Menendez was named as a sex client by two hookers last week. They said he offered them five hundred dollars but only gave them one hundred. He explained that in Washington D.C., U.S. Senators and prostitutes give each other professional discounts.
Libya's election commissioner observed U.S. election polling places Tuesday and said he couldn't believe that no photo ID was required at the polls in the United States. We do require it to get on an airline. This is why plane travel has fewer crashes than the economy.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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