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Jewish World Review Nov. 1, 2012 / 16 Mar-Cheshvan, 5773 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
New York Marathon officials announced that Sunday's race will proceed as scheduled despite the hurricane damage. It's the talk of the town. Everybody wonders if a Kenyan could lose the race due to a hurricane and they also wonder about the New York marathon.
The Los Angeles Lakers opened their NBA season at Staples Center on Tuesday. They give the NBA glamor by seating party animals Jack Nicholson, Charlie Sheen, and Paris Hilton courtside. It's the only sports arena where the nosebleed seats are on the front row.
President Obama appealed for Red Cross donations Tuesday as he presided over the disaster. He has a steady hand at the helm. The president remains cool, calm and unaffected about the presence of al-Qaeda attackers riding the storm surge on surfboards.
Manhattan bars reported doing huge business Monday as hundreds of New Yorkers decided to ride out Hurricane Sandy's storm surge in the safety of their local saloon. This isn't their first experience with flooding. This is why the expensive booze is Top Shelf.
Lancet Medical Journal released a study Friday showing people who drink are more intelligent. It also says they are wealthier. They were the first to figure out four years ago that drinking beer and saving the cans gives you a higher yield than certificates of deposit.
Apple caved in to Chinese demands Tuesday and agreed to block an iPhone app that lists the hooker bars and escort services in Beijing. That's so unfortunate. Now every Secret Service agent on the next presidential trip to China is going to owe a favor to the CIA.
Michael Moore made a new campaign video in which elderly nursing home patients threaten to burn this country down if Romney wins the election. They curse and use offensive language. It's so depressing to Baby Boomers to see how old Jane Fonda's gotten.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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