Jewish World Review Nov. 3, 2008 / 5 Mar-Cheshvan 5769
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Beatles producer Phil Spector walked into L.A. County court for his murder trial Friday wearing a Barack Obama pin. It's that Messiah thing again. Phil Spector's only chance of walking free is if Barack Obama will raise Lana Clarkson from the dead.
Barack Obama did a half-hour campaign infomercial Wednesday. It got bad reviews from infomercial producers who know how to sell something in thirty minutes. You don't sell furniture polish by consoling people who just stubbed their toe on a table.
Barack Obama's campaign plane barred all reporters Friday whose newspapers had endorsed John McCain. Their seats went to reporters from the black magazines Jet and Essence. This election may not turn so much on skin color as it does on skin thinness.
Barack Obama was reported Friday to have sent all his California volunteers to Nevada and Colorado. California looked like no contest. So when sales of white wine and crack cocaine fell in California in October, it wasn't due to the financial crisis.
Bill Clinton campaigned with Barack Obama at a huge televised rally in Orlando Wednesday. He barely arrived in time. The director of the movie Deep Throat died in Miami the day before and Bill Clinton felt he should speak at the funeral.
The Federal Election Commission predicted a record voter turnout for Tuesday's presidential contest. It's a critical moment for the country. Now is the time for bold, honest and unselfish leadership, but we have to choose between McCain and Obama.
The L.A. Times refused to release videotape of Barack Obama praising Palestinian activist Rashid Khalidi five years ago. They were pals. Back then Rashid Khalidi called Obama by his nickname, Barry, and Obama called Khalidi by his nickname, the Twentieth Hijacker.
Minnesota U.S. Senate candidate and comedian Al Franken caught hell for a Playboy article he wrote eight years ago about his porno sexual fantasies. It should be a selling point. He was showing the skills necessary to be a senator before he was elected one.
Al-Qaeda leader Abu Yahya al Libi urged Americans Thursday to humiliate President Bush in Tuesday's election. The group just suffered a major blow. They were developing complex credit market derivatives and they blew themselves up in a workplace accident.
The White House said Tuesday it's considering negotiating with lower levels of the Taliban to find peace in Afghanistan. It turns out there's a moderate wing of the Mujahadeen. They believe in covering up their women but they're not averse to Spandex.
The White House forced U.S. banks to sell the federal government their preferred stock last week, and then the House Oversight Committee demanded to see how much money bank executives get paid. The government is taking over everything. Fidel Castro and his brother have been spraying each other with champagne ever since they got the word.
© 2007, Argus Hamilton