Jewish World Review Nov. 13, 2007 / 3 Kislev 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Michael Jackson was reported Friday to be close to losing his Neverland Ranch. He's deeply in debt from all the loans he took out on the house. He's one of millions of Californians who lost his last chance at solvency when firefighters finished putting out the wildfires.
Broadway's stagehands' union went on strike Saturday, closing all shows. It added to public misery with TV shows being in reruns due to the writers' strike. By the time all these show business strikes end, half the country will be addicted to online poker.
Disneyland announced last week they will retrofit the boats on the It's a Small World ride to hold today's heavier passengers. They do a great job of keeping the park up to date and current. Tomorrowland has been turned into a scale model of Mexico City.
Senator Chuck Grassley of Iowa announced Thursday he will begin a probe of six televangelists. He wants to nail preachers who promise miracles to people in exchange for donations. Anyone who's found guilty could get five to ten years as a registered lobbyist.
Hillary Clinton's campaign admitted planting a question for the candidate with an audience member in Iowa last week. It's not the end of the world. If she doesn't make it to the White House, Hillary can always host a show on the Food Network called Fudging the Facts.
Bill Clinton flew to Iowa Thursday and campaigned in Onawa and Glenwood, where people lined up for two hours to see him. It was awesome. He's such a rock star that people were asking him why he's going to pay so much alimony to Heather Mills McCartney.
Hillary Clinton's campaign denied Thursday that she and her staffers failed to tip a waitress at a restaurant in Iowa last month. Actually she gave her an excellent tip. She told her never to answer a question about driver's licenses for illegal aliens.
Paulson poker chips, made in Las Vegas, were found Thursday to contain high levels of lead. Not to worry. The reason casinos are so big and lavish is that gamblers cannot hang onto their chips long enough for any statistically measurable health risk.
National Football League owners agreed to make more cash available to disabled retired players. The players' pension plan is already generous. As it is, you can retire after ten years, murder your wife and still get ten thousand dollars per month.
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton