Jewish World Review Nov. 9, 2005 / 7 Mar-Cheshvan, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Prince Charles and Camilla attended a tiny church in
California Sunday. They are so thrilled by the positive reception
in America. Back home they never know what vegetables they'll be
having for dinner until after the day's public appearance.
A Carnival Cruise liner was attacked by pirates in
speedboats Saturday night off Somalia. They fired machine guns and
rocket grenades. The next time Kathie Lee Gifford is booked to
sing on the ship they ought to have her perform below deck.
The Producers, it was announced Sunday, will open in movie
theaters before Christmas. Mel Brooks is just happy the filming is
over. During production he got three calls a day from President
Bush and Saddam Hussein suggesting each other for the role of
Panama was asked to shut down the Panama Canal Sunday as a
security measure for President Bush's visit there. They didn't
mind. However, it may have held up one full day of shipments from
China to Wal-Mart, causing the earth to wobble on its axis.
Baghdad announced Sunday that Iraq has resumed passenger
airline service with Iran for the first time in twenty-five years.
Security is understandably tight. They have been flying for two
weeks now and so far nobody's been allowed on an airplane.
Time magazine said Monday President Bush may soon have a new
chief of staff, a new press secretary, a new Treasury Secretary
and a new Defense Secretary. He's too stubborn to fire anyone.
He's sending everybody to a Tony Robbins seminar for a new them.
U.S. Treasury Secretary John Snow arrived in India Sunday
for a five-day tour of the country. He was a hit. He was treated
like a rock star once they heard him talk because customer service
workers in India know every American by his voice.
Chicken Little topped the box office on Sunday. It's an
unhealthy trend. The obesity epidemic is sure to worsen now that
movie stars can sit around a studio doing voice-overs all day and
make more money than they would in a gladiator picture.
Get Rich or Die Trying opens nationwide today and tells the
story of a teen boy who gives up selling drugs on the street to
become a rap star. The movie's distribution is limited. The first
half of the movie is legal only within the Denver city limits.
Paris continued to burn Sunday as riots got closer to the Eiffel Tower. It's beginning to unnerve property owners. Last night a fireworks show went off to celebrate Armistice Day and the local French garrison came out with their hands up.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton