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Jewish World Review Nov. 25, 2004 / 12 Kislev, 5765

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Texas was flooded by storms that dumped twelve inches of rain on the Lone Star State Monday. It resulted in a lot of lawlessness. When residents of Austin were told to go to higher ground, the Democrats moved the party over to Willie Nelson's house.

President Bush personally wrestled aside South American police who tried to bar his Secret Service agent from following him into a banquet hall in Chile Sunday night. His aggression was widely applauded at home. How dare these countries try to stop an American from crossing a border. Britain foiled an al-Qaeda plot to crash an airliner into London Monday. The news startled everyone. Normally when Londoners see airliners diving overhead they figure its nothing more serious than Take Our Grandfathers to Work Day at Lufthansa.

Sir Paul McCartney was hired Monday to perform at half-time of the Super Bowl in February. It's come to this. Popular culture is so debased that the troubadour of the sexual revolution is now the family-friendly choice for Sunday entertainment.

The Consumer Product Safety Commission said Tuesday that cell phones are exploding. The batteries overheat and they burst into flames. It looks like politicians can stop worrying about the youth vote and give the seniors the drug benefits they want.

The NBA Players Association blamed Detroit fans for Friday night's brawl. It's gotten out of control. Los Angeles fans had to be warned by the public address announcer Monday not to throw cocaine on the players no matter how tired they look.

Indiana Pacer Ron Artest sounded mentally unhinged on the Today Show Tuesday as he told what triggered Friday's brawl. It's sad. Perhaps the toughest time in any young man's life is when he has to slug somebody because they're the devil.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

© 2004, Argus Hamilton