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Jewish World Review Nov. 19 2004 / 6 Kislev, 5765

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports
And now for the
important news .... | eBay reinstated an auction for a ten-year-old grilled cheese sandwich with the image of the Virgin Mary on it. The bidding is going through the roof. George Foreman wants to market a grill that puts the Mother of Jesus on everything you cook.

Hardee's made the news Monday with a monster double- cheeseburger. The calorie and cholesterol levels are insane. If they had made this burger five years ago, the Republicans could have skipped the impeachment and just taken the president to lunch.

The Bill Clinton Presidential Library held its grand opening Thursday on the banks of the Arkansas River in Little Rock. The library will include the Clinton School for Public Policy. It's the only school that offers extra credit for cheating.

The Clinton Library tells the amazing success story of the poor but brilliant child from an abusive and unstable home. When he was a little boy he was made to feel unwanted. His stepfather used to give him his allowance in travelers checks.

The Economist magazine in London pointed out Wednesday that the Bill Clinton Presidential Library in Little Rock looks like a gigantic trailer home. So there you have it. Monica Lewinsky has one alcove but Paula Jones has the entire building.

John Kerry was ripped by Democrats Wednesday for not spending fifteen million dollars of campaign funds and forty million of primary funds. The money will still aid his quest for higher office. Fifty-five million should get him the earldom he's always craved.

French President Jacques Chirac blasted the war in Iraq Wednesday on the eve of his visit to London. France and Germany and Russia are trying everything to come between the U.S. and Britain. Every week it's another episode of Desperate Allies.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

© 2004, Argus Hamilton