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Jewish World Review Nov. 17 2004 / 4Kislev, 5765

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports
And now for the
important news .... | The Oklahoma Sooners were forced by BCS computer rules Saturday to run up the score on Nebraska. This system is turning respectful old rivalries into nuclear cold wars. If the Democrats can just be patient, the BCS will destroy the Red States.

Maria Sharapova won the WTA Championship in Los Angeles Monday. The underage beauty posed provocatively on billboards across town in a shameless promotion by tournament sponsors. Even Woody Allen would have had the decency to adopt her first.

The Food and Drug Administration ordered Viagra Monday to pull its Wild Thing commercial off the air. The ad doesn't disclose the risks involved in using the drug to be a more potent lover. You could lose your house when you get tired of her.

Hillary Clinton said Friday the Bible is a guide to help cure poverty. She's always been an active Methodist who believes in good works. Back when Hillary was growing up in Chicago she led her Girl Scout troop in crooked real estate deals.

Arnold Schwarzenegger encouraged a constitutional amendment that would allow him to run for president. He has a penchant for secrecy, he's a serial groper and he speaks broken English. No one could ever defeat President George Milhous Clinton.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

© 2004, Argus Hamilton