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Jewish World Review Nov. 15, 2004 / 2 Kislev, 5765

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Mount Rainier in Washington was hit by its biggest earthquake in thirty years Tuesday. Buildings swayed in Seattle but there were no collapses. The Justice Department felt a lot better when they saw that not even G-d can break up Microsoft.

The Supreme Court is weighing the Ten Commandments case in Alabama. It gives Democrats a chance to show the nation their piety. Hillary Clinton says she has nothing against the Ten Commandments, but she's not exactly married to the idea.

The Supreme Court will rule whether the Ten Commandments can be displayed in an Alabama courthouse. They forbid adultery, lying and stealing. It creates what lawyers and judges and politicians at the courthouse call a hostile work environment.

Palestinian chief Yasser Arafat died of a mystery illness Thursday after ten days in a Paris hospital. The date is a real coincidence. From now on, November 11th will be observed as Veterans Day in the United States and Mardi Gras in Israel.

Yasser Arafat was remembered in Cairo Friday as a shrewd and wily leader. He believed that you should walk a mile in a man's shoes before you judge him. That way by the time you judge him, you will be a mile away and you will have his shoes.

The White House angered Arabs by not sending Colin Powell to Yasser Arafat's funeral to represent the United States. It's another moral values issue. The White House reviewed Arafat's record and came very close to sending Scott Peterson.

Bill Clinton told a New Jersey audience Wednesday that no party owns a monopoly on moral values or godly living. The audience was dazzled. Each speaker on the dais had been assigned a topic he knew nothing about and challenged to extemporize on it.

Jack Nicholson is profiled in a new biography as the biggest Hollywood party animal in the Seventies era of casual sex and cocaine. He still gets the hottest drugs in town. The way Los Angeles operates, flu shots go the courtside seats first.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

© 2004, Argus Hamilton