Jewish World Review Nov. 3, 2004 / 19 Mar-Cheshvan, 5765
important news ....
Osama bin Laden released a video Saturday in an attempt to
sway the American election. It didn't affect a thing. He looked so
tanned and relaxed that most people who saw it wondered why George
Hamilton wants America out of the Middle East.
Tom Brokaw interviewed John Kerry and President Bush and got
both to pledge to govern from the middle and bring America back
together. Tell that to both coasts. The election map looks like
Firestone explaining tread separation to a jury.
John Kerry and George Bush told Tom Brokaw Monday they will
repair relations with U.S. allies. There's a reason we've had no
state dinners. The White House staff hasn't finished gluing the
china back together from the Clinton administration.
Bill Clinton gave speeches for John Kerry in Nevada and
Arkansas in the days before the election. It prompted a wave of
nostalgia. Bill Clinton may have been an adulterer and a bank
robber, but by golly, election night was over by seven o'clock.
Republicans kept control of the House of Representatives in
Tuesday's election. There was no danger of losing the House due to
all the safe seats. Losing the house is not that uncommon in Los
Angeles, it's generally accepted as the price of getting a younger wife.
Pierce Brosnan said Monday he won't play James Bond any more
because he claims he's too old for the part. That's how expensive
health care is. People used to lie about their age to seem
younger, and now they lie about their age to get Medicare.
Yasser Arafat was reported on Monday to be recovering
miraculously in a Paris hospital from the grave condition in which
he arrived. He's so competitive. His goal is to tie Israel's all-
time record for most number of resurrections in one country.
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