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Jewish World Review Nov. 14, 2003 /19 Mar-Cheshvan, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Scotland Yard said Wednesday security for President Bush's stay at Buckingham Palace will be tighter than for any presidential visit in history. These are dangerous times. We just found out Prince Charles likes to roam the halls at night.

Democrats and Republicans neared agreement in Congress Tuesday on a plan for prescription drug coverage for seniors. It's a landmark bill. Up until now, the only way to get free drugs in America was to wear a really short skirt to the party.

U.S. Senators filibustered over federal judicial nominees on Wednesday. The weary lawmakers collapsed after thirty hours of sleep deprivation. The idea is to persuade Iraq that democracy is not that big a leap from interrogation under Saddam.

Howard Dean said Wednesday he would appoint Bill Clinton as his envoy to the Mideast. It's a shrewd move. Howard Dean had just picked up the endorsement of two huge unions but he wasn't going anywhere until he got the comedians on his side.

John Kerry went on the Tonight Show in leather pants and leather jacket and leather boots Tuesday. You can't make it up. John Kerry rips Howard Dean for wooing voters who are nostalgic for slavery and then he shows up dressed for bondage.

Joe Lieberman got a friendly welcome from Democrats in Oklahoma Wednesday at a party in Norman. His religion is not an issue in Southern states. Oklahomans really like Senator Joe Lieberman, they don't care where he goes to church on Sunday.

The FCC ordered home phone numbers to be transferable to cell phones Monday. Scientists warn cell phones emit radiation and cause brain damage. Cell phones are also the only thing about which men sit around and brag who's got the smallest.

Bill Clinton was offered two million dollars Wednesday by a Chinese clothing company to become the spokesmodel for a new line of men's suits. The fabric is advertised as weather resistant. The zipper won't go down unless the coast is clear.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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