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May 19th, 2022

Insight

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Argus Hamilton

By Argus Hamilton

Published Oct. 27, 2021

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report
The Atlanta Braves will be playing the Houston Astros this week in the World Series. And it so happens Georgia and Texas are States which passed laws requiring Voter ID. The Commissioner of Baseball has been on the phone all night trying to figure out a way to move the World Series to Denver.

Forest Lawn Cemetery was picketed by L.A. family protesters angry over the high grass, cracked tablets and unreadable tombstones on the grounds. I'd go with the alternative. If you choose to be cremated after you die, you can be put in an hourglass and still participate in Family Game Night.

Trip Advisor this week listed the top 10 tourism destinations for families this holiday season, the top three being Las Vegas, New York, and Orlando. Last weekend I asked a girlfriend here in Los Angeles if she would like to go with me on a vacation to Mexico. She said which part of town.

The Weather Channel reports rainstorms caused mudslides in California hills stripped bare by summer brushfires. The floods nourish the barren soil so it can grow the dry brush to ignite next summer's wildfires. Living in California is like being married to a beautiful woman who's always sick.

Business Insider reports that Victoria's Secret stores are attempting a comeback with a new business plan to market sexy low-cut sportswear which women can wear in public. For men, a woman's cleavage is just like the sun. If you wear dark glasses you get to look at it longer without risk of injury.

L.A. County Health Director Barbara Ferrer refused to relax covid rules despite a steep drop in cases Friday. Health officials are pushing for injections of booster vaccines despite a public relations setback. The CDC had to cancel their magazine ads in which Alec Baldwin urges you to take the shot.

Alec Baldwin's film crew is under intense investigation this week to ascertain how live rounds replaced blanks in his pistol when he fired one shot that struck 2 people on the set. Alec is in for a rough couple of weeks from stand-up comedians. If we have one pet peeve it is prop comedy.

President Biden will meet with world leaders and celebrities in Glasgow for a climate summit this week. The last time Scotland saw this many incoming planes, it was the Luftwaffe. The conference stage is backed by a mural depicting Texas, Oklahoma, South Dakota and Saudi Arabia as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

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Prince Charles in a BBC interview on the environment showed off his vintage 1969 Aston Martin sportscar, which he's altered so that it runs on a fuel derived from white wine and cheese. Do you realize what this means? It's possible in the near future that Episcopalians could have their own gas stations.

Senator Mitt Romney warned that the Democratic tax plan to tax the added value of stocks as they go up--unrealized capital gains--will crash the Dow Jones. He said billionaires will leave the stock market and invest in paintings. It's clear the universe is conspiring to keep Hunter Biden from ever doing an honest day's work in his life.

The London Daily Mail reported a murder in Norway where one man shot another with a bow and arrow. The wounded victim was rushed to the hospital. The ER doctor told him that at first glance, you have an arrow in your head, but we're going to run run a covid test just to be on the safe side.

The National School Boards Association apologized for its letter to the Justice Department likening parents who protest the teaching of Critical Race Theory to domestic terrorists. The CRT curriculum asserts that the Anglo-Saxons invaded and expanded westward across America on the backs of slaves, and compares America to the Roman Empire, which is NOT true at all. Rome had good roads.

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