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May 28th, 2022

Insight

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Argus Hamilton

By Argus Hamilton

Published Oct. 25, 2021

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

The London Daily Mail reports Euro soccer players have begun taking a knee during national anthems, prompting furious fan booing. Why do pro soccer athletes believe we should care about what they think about social issues? If I want advice from someone who chases a ball, I’ll ask my dog.

Billboard reported the song Let's Go Brandon by a MAGA rapper Loza Alexander is breaking the Internet. The song has soared to number-one on the iTunes Hip Hop chart. Republicans are pretty certain this is good news.

The Automobile Club reported gasoline prices have just hit a seven-year high Wednesday. The prices range from three dollars per gallon in Texas up to seven dollars per gallon here in California. Gas prices are so high in Los Angeles that drivers have begun remaining at the scene of the accident.

The FDA approved the Johnson & Johnson and Moderna booster shots for added safety from corona virus. In Chicago, the locals use homeopathic vaccinations to stay safe. They have begun shooting each other with small caliber bullets to help them to build up their immunity to larger bullets.

American Heritage recalled for readers the time when parents told their kids they could grow up to be president and to eat their vegetables, think of all the starving kids in China. Now they tell kids to starve yourself till you become a vegetable. You could grow up to be president and help China.

California's Congressional Redistricting Commission began the task of re-drawing U.S. House districts after the state lost one seat due to fleeing population. It's so dreary here now. Last week Governor Gavin Newsom replaced all California toys with a doll of Hillary Clinton in a gray pantsuit.

President Biden declared in Scranton Wednesday that America's number-one strength is our nation's diversity. The same day, China's government acknowledged that they just successfully tested a hypersonic nuclear missile which flies below radar. So what, we have a transgender admiral.

The London Express attacked slander on England's patriotic St George’s Day by wokies who claimed that Englishness is racism. The wokies attack through the media and pretend they represent consensus feeling, and accuse defenders of tradition of racism. Last year they got the song Baby It’s Cold Outside taken off the radio for being offensive and now I fear for the future of White Christmas.

The Weather Channel forecast massive rainfall in California this week signaling the possible return of the El Nino weather pattern. It happens every seven years. When I first moved to L.A. in 1976, it was during an El Nino winter. And that’s when I got my first job, shoveling snow up my nose.

The Hollywood Reporter predicted huge box office weekend coming up for all the Halloween movies that will be released in theaters starting tonight. The studios have changed things around to appeal to Generation Z. To avoid being canceled, The Creature now comes from the Green Lagoon.

Bill Clinton escaped a close call in the hospital from a urinary tract infection Sunday. His was the greatness that might have been. If I could go back and change history, I’d save the Titanic, suffocate the baby Hitler in his crib and convince Monica Lewinsky to take the job at The Gap instead.

Los Angeles had to cancel a parade to honor President Biden. It seems large public gatherings are illegal, gas is too high for the vehicles, and the marching band can’t play through their masks. Above all, statistics show whenever more than three people get together, a Trump rally might break out.

Thomas Jefferson’s statue will be taken down in the NYC Council Chamber because members are offended he owned 143 slaves. Jefferson’s statue offends me because of his poor business sense. He bought Louisiana for $15 million and every hurricane season it costs us ten times that to rebuild it.

Queen Elizabeth had to cancel this week's scheduled trip to Northern Ireland due to doctor’s orders. It was a matter of proper protocol. Just last week, her doctor ordered her to stop drinking all alcohol and walking around Northern Ireland in a straight line may be considered showboating there.

Beverly Hills retail stores are reported suffering as residents prefer to online shop rather than going into the village and supporting the merchants. I will say the local businesses are putting on a brave face. Yesterday on Rodeo Drive I saw a Salvation Army Band and they had a string section.

President Biden’s approval rating plummeted to thirty-seven percent in the latest Quinnipiac Poll Wednesday with voters expressing an array of dissatisfactions. The news came as a shock to a lot of Democrats. Biden’s poll numbers crashed so hard it made the cover of Asian Car & Driver.

The White House noted that vaccination rates are higher after President Biden set an example for companies by ordering all federal workers to get the shot. However, Biden didn’t originate the policy that produced the high vaccination rate. It’s Harvey Weinstein who pioneered No Jab, No Job.

House Democrats hit a brick wall trying to pass a tax hike on upper income. Their problem is, Americans don’t resent the rich because we all plan on getting rich. Last week when someone else won the Powerball Lottery, Americans just threw up their hands and said screw it, we’re making meth.

White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki on Wednesday acknowledged that the country is going through some tough economic times, but she added that the president is working hard to return everything to normal. The good news is that beer is now cheaper than gasoline. So drink, don’t drive.

Mother Jones reported Wednesday that West Virginia’s Democratic Senator Joe Manchin is considering switching parties. While hitchhiking across the country in college, a truck driver once pointed a gun at me and made me take a swig of West Virginia moonshine, and the back of my head felt like it exploded. The truck driver then handed me the pistol and told me to make him take a swig.

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The Weather Channel forecast massive rainfall in California this week signaling the possible return of the El Nino weather pattern. It happens every seven years. When I first moved to L.A. in 1976, it was during an El Nino winter. And that’s when I got my first job, shoveling snow up my nose.

The Hollywood Reporter predicted huge box office weekend coming up for all the Halloween movies that will be released in theaters starting tonight. The studios have changed things around to appeal to Generation Z. To avoid being canceled, The Creature now comes from the Green Lagoon.

Bill Clinton escaped a close call in the hospital from a urinary tract infection Sunday. His was the greatness that might have been. If I could go back and change history, I’d save the Titanic, suffocate the baby Hitler in his crib and convince Monica Lewinsky to take the job at The Gap instead.

Los Angeles had to cancel a parade to honor President Biden. It seems large public gatherings are illegal, gas is too high for the vehicles, and the marching band can’t play through their masks. Above all, statistics show whenever more than three people get together, a Trump rally might break out.

Thomas Jefferson’s statue will be taken down in the NYC Council Chamber because members are offended he owned 143 slaves. Jefferson’s statue offends me because of his poor business sense. He bought Louisiana for $15 million and every hurricane season it costs us ten times that to rebuild it.

Queen Elizabeth had to cancel this week’s scheduled trip to Northern Ireland due to doctor’s orders. It was a matter of proper protocol. Just last week, her doctor ordered her to stop drinking all alcohol and walking around Northern Ireland in a straight line may be considered showboating there.

Beverly Hills retail stores are reported suffering as residents prefer to online shop rather than going into the village and supporting the merchants. I will say the local businesses are putting on a brave face. Yesterday on Rodeo Drive I saw a Salvation Army Band and they had a string section.

President Biden’s approval rating plummeted to thirty-seven percent in the latest Quinnipiac Poll Wednesday with voters expressing an array of dissatisfactions. The news came as a shock to a lot of Democrats. Biden’s poll numbers crashed so hard it made the cover of Asian Car & Driver.

The White House noted that vaccination rates are higher after President Biden set an example for companies by ordering all federal workers to get the shot. However, Biden didn’t originate the policy that produced the high vaccination rate. It’s Harvey Weinstein who pioneered No Jab, No Job.

House Democrats hit a brick wall trying to pass a tax hike on upper income. Their problem is, Americans don’t resent the rich because we all plan on getting rich. Last week when someone else won the Powerball Lottery, Americans just threw up their hands and said screw it, we’re making meth.

White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki on Wednesday acknowledged that the country is going through some tough economic times, but she added that the president is working hard to return everything to normal. The good news is that beer is now cheaper than gasoline. So drink, don’t drive.

Mother Jones reported Wednesday that West Virginia’s Democratic Senator Joe Manchin is considering switching parties. While hitchhiking across the country in college, a truck driver once pointed a gun at me and made me take a swig of West Virginia moonshine, and the back of my head felt like it exploded. The truck driver then handed me the pistol and told me to make him take a swig.

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