May 24th, 2022


Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Argus Hamilton

By Argus Hamilton

Published Oct. 21, 2021

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report
New York City will remove Thomas Jefferson's statue from the N.Y. City Council Chamber this month. Black, Asian and Hispanic council members say it offends them. Well, I was offended in the grocery store today when the sign over Aisle Six read Asian Food, Hispanic Food and Crackers.

Amazon reports the latest release of Emily Post's Etiquette first published a century ago is still the top selling book on etiquette in history. It's based on courtesy, kindness and consideration for others. I hate it when I'm having a really good conversation with someone and then they start talking.

Michael Keaton will return to the big screen as Batman in the upcoming movie The Flash. He is an old friend from when we started out at the Comedy Store. This Halloween I'm dressing up as Beetle Juice and the first person to mistake me for Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot gets their ass kicked.

Georgia Bulldogs quarterback JT Daniels has made one million dollars this month in endorsements and YouTube ad revenue under the new college rule. The money has a downside. No sex, no drugs, no alcohol or they lose their endorsements, and no Republican viewpoints or they get kicked off You Tube.

Canada's government vowed to fire any official who tweets the phrase, Let's Go Brandon. It's code for a vulgar stadium chant against Biden sweeping the nation. I don't want to say Joe Biden is of a certain age, but he seems to think that the stadium crowds are chanting, Let's Go To Branson.

The New York Post reported that President Biden has been flying underage illegal immigrants in U.S. transport planes in the dead of night to New York where they'll stay with their sponsors. Talk about a guy ahead of his time. Jeffrey Epstein died two years before you could order in Mexican.

Bill Clinton was released from Irvine Medical Center Tuesday where the doctors found e-Coli virus in his penile tract. The virus is caught by human bodily contact with animal feces. The Taliban issued a statement from Afghanistan inviting Bill to join them any night on Boys' Night Out.

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House Democrats in the spending bill changed allowing the IRS to examine every transaction over six hundred dollars to ten grand. It feels intrusive. I withdrew $200 at the ATM Friday and the screen printed out a notice saying, We Notice You've Been Making Fun of the Government Lately.

The White House said the hundreds of cargo ships waiting to unload containers at U.S. ports is part of a worldwide backlog. Perhaps we could get the Mexican drug cartels to help us with our supply chain crisis. They don't seem to have any trouble at all getting stuff from one place to another.

White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki announced Tuesday the Biden Administration has the U.S.-Mexican border situation under control. That'd be a first in forty years. Claiming that the U.S. government has the border under control is about as believable as a Rolling Stones farewell tour.

The Washington Post sounded the alarm Monday over China's announcement that they have just tested a hypersonic missile that flies below radar. They say the missile can get to Los Angeles from China in forty minutes. That's faster than it takes a car to get to Los Angeles, from Los Angeles.