May 22nd, 2022


Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Argus Hamilton

By Argus Hamilton

Published Oct. 14, 2021

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report
William Shatner was scheduled to become the oldest person in history to fly into outer space Wednesday aboard a New Shepherd rocket from Blue Origin's launch site in West Texas. It's a bold experiment. The flight gave science a chance to test the strength of toupee tape in zero-gravity.

No Time to Die starring Daniel Craig as British Secret agent James Bond was finally released after months of delay until movie theaters reopened. He's not the same spy as he once was toward women. In keeping up with the times the Bond girl in the next Bond movie will be named P.C. Galore.

The Rolling Stones arrived in Los Angeles to perform a concert Sunday. Their last time in L.A., the band panicked backstage and flushed all their drugs when they were told the police were knocking on their dressing room door. They opened the door, and it was Stewart Copeland and Sting.

White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki acknowledged to reporters on Tuesday that President Biden wants to fundamentally change America. It's affecting everything. Only nine months into the Biden Administration, Superman just changed his name to Tarzan now that he swings both ways.

CBS Sports began promoting its Thanksgiving Day NFL game between the Las Vegas Raiders and the Dallas Cowboys. It's a day centered on gratitude. This Thanksgiving, I suppose we can all be grateful for one thing, that Jon Gruden was not involved in re-naming the Browns or the Redskins.

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Super Bowl winning coach Jon Gruden has reportedly agreed to participate in a continuing education seminar with Hillary Clinton. It's a way for them to learn from each other. Jon is going to teach Hillary what it takes to win the Big One and Hillary's going to teach Jon how to erase e-mails.

Vanity Fair ran a cover story on Hollywood movie star Duane Johnson who is nicknamed The Rock to millions of longtime fans. In the interview, Johnson refused to rule out a political career and said he might run for president in 2024. He'd be the second consecutive rock to sit in the Oval Office.

President Biden will meet with Pope Francis when he travels to Rome in three weeks. After all Biden is the first Catholic president in fifty-eight years. Thanks to church rules about witnessed miracles, Joe could be named a saint because of all the voters he raised from the dead last November.

The White House was challenged this week by decree after decree from Republican governors negating President Biden's order to require large companies to mandate the Covid vaccine. It's dividing theater crowds as well. Half the audience boos at the end of Hamilton! when he gets the shot.

The White House is paying $5 million a day to contractors not to build a border wall with $100 million in wall materials sitting idle at the border. This presidency is the worst-planned expedition since the Donner Party. They'd have asked, if you eat somebody who's had the shot, do you still need the shot?

Kamala Harris in a video Monday described the wonders of space travel to amazed school kids seated on a patio. They turned out to be child actors who'd auditioned. After hearing Kamala used child actors to star in her videos, President Biden asked if Gary Coleman was available to star in his

Nat Geo spotlighted the Piranha fish, about which I long ago learned that a school of Piranha can devour a small child to the bone in thirty seconds. And yes, I lost my job at the aquarium, and that led me to stand-up comedy. All most of us need when we're young is a push in the right direction.