May 27th, 2022


Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Argus Hamilton

By Argus Hamilton

Published Oct. 13, 2021

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report
William Shatner's mission to be the oldest person in history to fly into outer space was delayed until Wednesday when he will take off inside a New Shepherd rocket from Blue Origin's West Texas launch site. Mission Control blamed the launching delay on excessive wind. Well, he IS ninety.

Kamala Harris starred in a produced TV show of her talking to schoolkids about the wonders of space travel. It was discovered Monday the kids are all actors who auditioned to be on the TV show with Kamala. The first person to post a Leave It to Beaver joke gets banned from Twitter for life.

Las Vegas Raiders coach Jon Gruden resigned after private e-mails were unearthed revealing homophobic and misogynistic comments. He ripped women referees and the drafting of a gay linebacker. Jon was spared prosecution for free thought only after he produced his vaccination card.

President Biden's call for companies to require workers to get the vaccine shot was obeyed by Southwest Airlines, which ordered all employees to get the shot by December. So, put this in your body or you'll never work again. Does this sound better coming from Joe Biden or Harvey Weinstein?

Rocket Mortgage issued an analysis Monday saying that Millennials now entering the housing market are exploding the cost of building materials. The spike in lumber prices is being driven by the demand for starter homes. The price of lumber is so high I just saw a termite with an EBT card.

Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot blasted her own D.A. for her policy of not prosecuting shooting suspects if they were involved in a mutual shootout with another gang. The city is nothing if not sporting. If you hold a piece of Chicago Pizza to your ear, you can hear faint gunshots in the distance.

President Biden traveled to Chicago Friday to articulate his economic agenda and for the need to pass both his budget and the reconciliation bill to keep America competitive. It's hard to believe Joe Biden wants to spend three and a half trillion dollars. That's nearly three Hunter Biden paintings.

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Attorney General Merrick Garland vowed to go after parents who protest Critical Race Theory for terrorism. Meanwhile his son-in-law sells CRT courses to schools nationwide. It just illustrated that the administration's problem with relying on herd immunity to end Covid is that nobody gets rich.

The Justice Department ignited a firestorm by labeling parents who protest CRT as domestic terrorists. National pride is to be replaced by national shame. Yesterday I saw the U.S. flag flying over an L.A. high school, so I phoned the FBI because I was told if you see something, say something.

President Biden declared that Monday would be celebrated as Indigenous People's Day rather than Columbus Day. The famed Italian explorer accidentally discovered America while he was looking for the fastest way possible to get to India. His compass was down and he needed tech support.

Donald Trump spoke at an Iowa rally Saturday before tens of thousands of supporters. In attendance were Vietnamese refugees who told the Des Moines Register they changed their names from Tran to Trump to honor the King. I'm telling you, foreigners see the U.S. presidency a lot clearer than we do.

The Nixon Library honored Mike Pompeo as an Architect of Peace but not his boss President Trump. It seems the Nixon Library doesn't want to be associated with a controversial president. That post-presidential impeachment of Trump set a precedent that could come back to haunt Nixon.

Elon Musk announced Tuesday that Tesla's corporate headquarters are now transferred from Palo Alto to Austin. The massive influx of Democrats into the Lone Star State has begun raising GOP concerns. The Texas Governor just issued a stay-at-home order for the entire state of California.