Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

The Food and Drug Administration ruled it's safe for people over the age of sixty-five to get a Covid booster shot. Less than twenty-four hours after receiving his booster shot, President Biden is feeling disoriented, confused and discombobulated. In other words, there were no side effects.

• The New York Post reports that a Brooklyn jury delivered a guilty verdict against the lewd rap star R. Kelly on all counts of racketeering and sex trafficking. I have to hand him this, the defendant stayed in character. When Kelly heard the guilty verdict being read, he peed on himself.

• The Rolling Stones performed a moving tribute to their late drummer Charlie Watts last week in their first show since his death. It was great to see the remaining band members together. It ‘s funny, Charlie Watts has been dead for about a month and he still looks better than Keith Richards.

• Closer magazine says thousands of Baby Boomers are re-enrolling in college to learn high tech skills in retirement. It is an exchange program. The colleges teach Baby Boomers computer skills and in return the Baby Boomers teaching the college kids how to roll a one-paper joint in a hurricane.

• Major League Baseball enjoyed thrilling divisional races and wild card stretch runs this week, drawing big TV ratings. I played softball for the Comedy Store in the Sunset Strip League in the late Seventies. My best game came against Barney's Beanery, when I scored two grams in one inning.

• Disney World is partnering with Amazon to give theme park customers a voice assistant to relay information to them. Snow White will no longer be awakened by a kiss from the handsome prince, Amazon has something more wonderful for her. She's served with divorce papers from Jeffrey Bezos.

• The Wall Street Journal reported that farmers across the nation are suffering from a shortage of fertilizer both synthetic and natural. It's a shame. Because with three cable news networks, five hundred thirty-five people in Congress and two presidents, there is no shortage of fertilizer spreaders.

• The Senate called the Defense Secretary and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs and the head of Centcom to testify about the Afghan disaster. They reiterated that the Taliban remains a terrorist group. You know you're a Taliban if you refine heroin for a living but have a moral objection to beer.

• The Senate grilled the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and head of Central Command. They said they advised Biden to keep twenty-five hundred troops in Afghanistan, and to evacuate civilians first. Joe Biden told ABC News he doesn't remember and no one disbelieves that.

• President Biden's Afghanistan evacuation policy was undermined by his top generals Tuesday before the Senate Armed Services Committee. The generals testified that in their judgment, the surge was followed by a premature withdrawal. That isn't military strategy, that's Catholic family planning.

• Fox News reported that Kabul Airport in Afghanistan is beginning to resume flights as Taliban governance gets underway. The one thing I have to admit is that the Taliban take the threat of Covid very seriously. They kill any woman who's not wearing a mask, they aren't kidding around.

• The Miami Herald reported that Florida residents are in an uproar after it was announced that scientists will soon release seven hundred fifty million genetically modified mosquitoes into Florida. That's just the start of it. Nature activists are more worried what the mosquitoes might catch.

• The Sydney Herald reports that a man was bitten by a crocodile during a Jumping Crocodile Cruise in Northern Territory province. What did they expect? In Australia's Northern Territory province, there is one man-eating croc for every two and a half people, with an emphasis on the half.

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• Free Britney protesters cheered outside an L.A. courthouse Wednesday as a judge removed her father's conservatorship. Afterwards, Britney reassured fans that once again, she's in control of her money. And Mexico reassured Britney, that once again they are able to resume shipping her coke.

• The Los Angeles Times reports that Netflix agreed to a production deal to air 49 South Asian TV series and movies that are cast, written and produced in India. I believe movies made in India are misleading. Last night, I suddenly began dancing in the grocery store and nobody joined in.

• The Arthur Murray Dance Studios in Los Angeles reopened with rules that students mask up and be vaccinated. My generation took ballroom dancing in the fifth and sixth grade. Today, I learn all the latest dances by watching the guys on Maury celebrating when they find out they aren't the father.

• The Taliban Ruling Council made good on one of their promises to the world community this week. The mullahs banned farmers from growing poppies, instrumental in the production of opium. Instead of poppies, the farmers are ordered to grow olives, I'm guessing for the extra virgin.

• President Biden was loudly booed at the Washington Nationals ballpark when he showed up for the congressional baseball game Wednesday. At college football stadiums on Saturdays, students chant his name preceded by an obscenity. Joe Biden promised to unite this country, and G od bless him, he's done it.

• Barack Obama flew to Chicago where he broke ground on the Obama presidential library, located on Chicago's south side. It's going to need bullet-proof windows. When Chicagoans look inside and see a roomful of Hollywood celebrities not wearing masks, there's bound to be violence.

• Prince Harry and Meghan flew to New York for the U.N. opening and to socialize with the mayor and governor. They're now writing a tell-all book about the royal family. Their Oprah interview drew 20 million viewers, because people are fascinated by car crashes, even when they are a year away.

• Car and Driver magazine reported sales figures showing a huge increase in the number of Jeeps sold in the U.S. following last year's overall car industry slump. Their owners swear by them. My neighbor just named his new Jeep the Elizabeth Warren, because it's white and calls itself a Cherokee.

• National Geographic reports the discovery of footprints found in a dry lake bed in New Mexico that date back 23,000 years. They say they are the oldest human footprints in North America. Speaking of Chuck Grassley, he announced Friday he's running for Senate again.

• The Associated Press posted a 1937 photo taken in Germany which showed hundreds of young Hitler youth standing in bleachers with their right arms high in the air, giving the Nazi salute. That is, except for one solitary boy who stays seated with his arms crossed. There's always ONE troublemaker.

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