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Jewish World Review Oct. 27, 2020 Rogue Report By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
President Trump's debate with Joe Biden in Nashville Thursday was seen by over sixty-three million TV viewers, with Fox News winning the ratings battle. The exchange is far from over. The next Trump-Biden debate is scheduled to take place at Thanksgiving Dinner across the country.
• President Trump and Joe Biden canvassed the battleground states following their knock down drag-out debate on Thursday. There will certainly be new issues that pop up in the final week of the campaign, but let's get one incident out of the way right now. Hunter Biden did NOT kill himself.
• Hunter Biden's laptop was verified by the FBI as belonging to him Thursday. The videos show him drunk, doing cocaine, and carousing with strippers, all on his father's money. If we'd only had video cameras in the late Seventies, I'd have the evidence to sue Hunter Biden for stealing my act.
• The Wall Street Journal reports that by Monday fifty million Americans will have already cast their votes, making this election the most heavily participated in history. While jogging on Friday, I saw a U.S. Mail truck at Hollywood Memorial cemetery. I guess they have started delivering the ballots.
• Tom Hanks in a recent interview described how he paid for scenes in Forest Gump and made sixty-five million dollars from the clips. The Oscar-winning actor is a Democrat fundraiser, but I don't think this election will be decided by Forest Gump. If anything it'll be settled by Forest Lawn.
• President Trump walked off CBS 60 Minutes after Lesley Stahl kept cutting him off mid-point and disagreeing without giving any counter-facts. It's insane. Trump could tell Lesley Stahl he had bacon and eggs for breakfast and she'd reply if that's true then are you in favor of killing all Vegans?
• Rudy Giuliani is red-faced after he was lured into a hotel room by a girl posing as a reporter by Sasha Baron Cohen. Rudy is filmed lying in bed fully dressed with his hand moving around in his pants. This is probably Giuliani's second biggest erection disaster since the World Trade Center.
• CNN's legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin apologized to his family and to CNN after he was seen masturbating by other panelists on a Zoom call during an election night panel rehearsal. Jeffrey Toobin does not plan to hire a lawyer to try to keep his job at CNN. He figures he can get himself off.
• CNN legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin was caught masturbating on a Zoom call during a business meeting. Naturally he's accusing the Russians of hacking his sex drive. However the incident was good news for the airlines industry, Jeffrey Toobin may have single handedly saved business travel. • President Trump brought Sudan and Israel together in a peace deal Friday. It's his third peace deal he's brokered in a month. Not to be outdone, the Biden Basement announced that Joe has just negotiated a higher percentage of the family money from Ukraine, China and Russia to go to him. • Governor Gavin Newsom said Friday the shutdown won't be over until he says it's over. He wants to take his sweet time okaying any vaccine. In the defiant spirit of my Tory hero, Sir Winston Churchill, I hereby declare no amount of Home Quarantine will ever force me to organize my closet. • NASA officials confirmed plans to send a woman to the moon in the near future, in our first lunar landing since 1972. We need to stake a fresh claim anyway. All the U.S. flags we put up on the moon have been bleached white due to radiation, making the moon an official province of France. • The National Football League might delay the Super Bowl into February to give the virus time to clear out. It's a grim time for sports on TV. The NBA Finals and the World Series just recorded the lowest TV ratings ever, and now the Super Bowl will have to compete with the Civil War.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
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© 2020, Argus Hamilton |
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