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Jewish World Review Oct. 28, 2019 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The Wall Street Journal reported a new poll which found that two-thirds of Americans believe that the attempt to impeach President Trump has led the country once again to the verge of civil war. That's a really crazy conclusion to draw. We lack the manners and congeniality of the Civil War.
• The Justice Department launched a criminal probe into the Deep State sabotage of the Trump campaign in 2016 that hatched the Russian collusion hoax. House Democrats are outraged by the grand jury probe. They say, for crying out loud, investigating somebody in secret violates due process.
• Conde Nast warns American vacationers to Los Angeles that theme parks such as Disneyland in Anaheim will be raising their ticket prices for the holidays to $135 a person. Consider this. It's more economical for a family of four to fly to Switzerland, rent a car, and ride the real Matterhorn.
• NASA announced plans Thursday to send a manned mission to Mars in fifteen years. We've inspired new space programs to proliferate in other countries. North Korea now has their own space agency and they hope to go where no North Korean has ever gone, to an all-you-can-eat buffet.
• Los Angeles sweltered under one-hundred degree heat as desert winds turned the city hotter than Death Valley. The fires, smoke and smog just add to the misery. The air quality in Hollywood is so bad that whenever Snoop Dogg rolls down his window, the smoke actually pours INTO the car.
• Johnny Depp was ordered to release all records of his alcohol and drug abuse in the lawsuit against his ex-wife for defamation. If there's one thing Johnny Depp and Charlie Sheen's taught us over the years it's that drugs and relationships don't mix. So stick with drugs and you'll be alright.
• Tulsi Gabbard claimed that leading Democrats are conspiring to block her candidacy. In the last debate she told the CNN moderators that impeachment is a terrible idea because it'll tear the country apart. Homeland Security just added Tulsi's name to the list of people too crazy to buy a gun.
• Soap Opera Digest reported Wednesday that the longtime star of the soap opera Days of Our Lives John Clark died at his home. He first joined the cast of the weekday drama fifty-five years ago. John is survived by his three-ex-wives, nine mistresses, two illegitimate children and an evil twin.
• The House of Representatives grilled Facebook's Mark Zuckerburg in a hearing Wednesday about Facebook's privacy problem. Members of both parties gave Zuckerburg a very rough time in the witness chair. It didn't help when he addressed each Member by their mother's maiden name.
• Adam Schiff's secret impeachment inquiry room was breached by GOP Members demanding open hearings. It never ends. If Trump told Democrats not to jump off the roof, they would promptly jump off the roof, break their leg and then impeach Trump for colluding with gravity.
• The New York Post reports that some NYPD detectives have been talking with the Long Island Medium, who holds seances in which she claims she can speak to the dead. That's a stretch. If the Long Island Medium could talk to the dead, Hillary Clinton would have taken her out a long time ago.
• Hillary Clinton called Trump, Jill Stein and Tulsi Gabbard Russian assets on Friday and then hinted Monday she may join the race, I opened for Yakov Smirnov for his award winning PBS special Happily Ever Laughter, which makes me a Russian asset. Think about it, I could be president!
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2018, Argus Hamilton |
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