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Jewish World Review Oct. 30, 2018 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• The White House backed up the president's claim that the Guatemalan caravan approaching the U.S. from Mexico includes terrorists who arrived in Guatemala from the Middle East. It's not hard for them to concoct trouble for us. Mexico has biological weapons that come right out of the tap.
• Kenya's government drew accusations of hostage-taking by human rights groups. It's reported Kenya's hospitals are not allowing patients to check out and leave until they have paid their hospital bill in full. We should do that in America—health care and housing solved in one action.
• The Distilled Liquor Council announced that liquor stores in the United States reported the highest liquor sales in history for the second consecutive year. It appears that the Millennials have made an important discovery. Nothing kick-starts opioids and legal weed like a good stiff drink.
• Bill and Hillary Clinton announced the itinerary for their thirteen-city tour after the midterm elections where they will speak onstage and take questions. Had she been elected, you can imagine how Congress would have dealt with her e-mail scandal and Russia donations to the Foundation. By now the Clintons could have achieved their dream of being America's first two-impeachment family.
• A Brut Cosmetics poll shows Americans take more showers and use more deodorant than any country in the world. It's about priorities. In the U.S. today, our streets aren't safe, our houses of worship aren't safe, and the mail isn't safe, but underneath our arms we enjoy complete protection.
• The FBI's arrest of Floridian Cesar Sayoc allowed the nation to heave a collective sigh of relief for the safety of prominent Democrats. However, the reign of terror didn't end. Elizabeth Warren was bit by a mosquito and just like that, all her Indian blood was gone.
• President Trump spoke after the FBI arrest of the bomber Friday and called for Americans to come together and be more civil and respectful to political opponents. His followers took his cue. At his rally that night in North Carolina, his audience changed their Hillary chant to Grant Her Bail!
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2018, Argus Hamilton |
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