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Jewish World Review Oct. 24, 2013 / 20 Mar-Cheshvan, 5774 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• USA Today reported a huge increase in medical school enrollments this year. Do the math. You take four years of college, add four years of medical school and three years of residency, it's still faster than waiting online for ObamaCare, plus you get to treat yourself.
• The ObamaCare website asked applicants about their diet, exercise regimen, sexual habits and drinking habits on the application form. It's personal but necessary. They cross-check your answers with the NSA to make sure it's really you applying for Obamacare.
• The White House press secretary fumed when a reporter compared the ObamaCare rollout to the Hindenburg. That's a really unfair comparison. The Hindenburg, after all, had a swastika on its tail wing, and so far ObamaCare only fines you for disobeying orders.
• President Obama urged Congress to work together in a bipartisan way to get things done Monday. However cooperation is just not in their DNA . By and large Republicans hate new legislation, while Democrats don't care what's in a bill, as long as it's mandatory.
• Russia said state revenues have doubled since they adopted a low flat tax and ended high taxes on the rich. That's telling. So the Cold War didn't end twenty-five years ago, it was just halftime and at halftime the teams switch sides and defend the opposite goalposts.
• The Bureau of Labor Statistics in Washington Tuesday reported that a record ninety million Americans are out of the workforce. It's not just emotionally debilitating. The latest research shows that unemployment plays a role in early death, unless you're a miner.
• Google stock soared Monday as the rollout for Google Glasses neared. These glasses record and post everything you see and everything that is spoken to you. The possibilities are so exciting it's sparking a movement to give Bill Clinton a third term in the Oval Office.
• Daily Variety reported that Hillary Clinton's life as a young congressional staffer on the Watergate Committee will be made into a feature movie. It will cover the time that she and Bill first met and fell in love. The working title of this movie is An Affair to Refrigerate.
• NBC enjoyed record-high ratings for the Denver Broncos and Indianapolis Colts game Sunday night. The telecast included forty commercials for beer. It's so important for you to know you don't have to be an NFL football player to enjoy the sensation of brain damage.
• Indonesia's Supreme Court upheld the firing-squad death sentence for a British lady who smuggled five pounds of coke into Bali. They'll shoot her for bringing cocaine into their territory. Indonesia's attorney general cited the case of Crips v, Blood to win the case.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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