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Jewish World Review Oct. 22, 2013 / 18 Mar-Cheshvan, 5774 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• ObamaCare website glitches prevented anyone from enrolling Friday. ObamaCare is underwritten by a Treasury seventeen trillion in debt, overseen by a Surgeon General that's obese and signed into law by a president who smokes. How could anything go wrong.
• Congress was hit by its lowest job approval ratings in history Friday after they voted to end the three-week U.S. government shutdown. The members were paid during the entire shutdown. Their salaries are guaranteed under The Americans with No Abilities Act.
• Barack Obama gave a conciliatory speech after the shutdown ended Thursday. It was well-crafted. He ended the speech by predicting a new era of bipartisan cooperation in Washington D.C., which follows the first rule of show business, always leave them laughing.
• President Obama signed the debt extension and the budget authorization passed by Congress Thursday, re-opening the U.S. government. There's no reason for the vested interests to worry about a voter backlash. If voting changed anything they'd make it illegal.
• President Obama went on TV Thursday to declare the U.S. government is open again after the House vote. He added Joe Biden would personally greet federal workers as they returned after being out of work for sixteen days. Haven't these people suffered enough?
• The White House laid out its fall legislative agenda Friday as the U.S. sank seventeen trillion dollars in debt and ObamaCare website glitches threw enlistment into total chaos. The president said he's going to concentrate on immigration. He's trying to get into Sweden.
• The White House made plans Friday to proceed with the Immigration Reform Bill in the U.S. Senate. The demand for a wall is lessening. If there's one thing that'll change your mind on immigration, it's trying to build a two-thousand-mile-long fence without Mexicans.
• The Justice Department reported that Mexican drug cartels are growing marijuana in U.S. national parks. It is affecting the eco-system as well as the wildlife. California bears no longer break into cabins for the food, now they stay and watch cartoons for three hours.
• Muslim clerics in Saudi Arabia issued an edict against groups that oppose Saudi laws requiring all women to remain covered up whenever they're in public. Saudis don't think at all like Westerners. In California for instance we cover up our oil and expose our women.
• A Florida man caught fire Thursday while lighting a wooden cross in his front yard for a Halloween display. He succeeded in being scary. A burning cross is the perfect stage for all the children dressed like ghosts to put their classmates on trial for inter-racial texting.
• Donald Trump dodged questions on Letterman over rumors that he plans to run for new York governor, saying said he sees himself as a political Independent. That sounds right. Webster's Dictionary defines an Independent as a Republican who's in show business.
• Last night in Manhattan, police let a guy go for having less than twenty-five grams of marijuana on him and they arrested him for having more than sixteen ounces of Coca-Cola.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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