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Jewish World Review Oct. 21, 2013 / 17 Mar-Cheshvan, 5774 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• The White House made plans Friday to proceed with the Immigration Reform Bill in the U.S. Senate. The bill is currently in committee. Proponents of the bill say that illegal aliens will do the jobs which Americans refuse to do, jobs like running the U.S. government.
• Condi Rice was named to select teams for the College Football Playoffs. She vowed to weigh a team's strength of schedule. Ten years ago, pollsters gave Condi a much higher ranking for going after Iraq's oil rather than Mexico's because Iraq was a tough away game.
• PBS Frontline did an investigation on NFL concussions which included neurologists' concerns about head injuries during NFL games. They're falling like flies out there. Last Sunday in the Jacksonville game, twelve fans had one beer too many and fell off their seats.
• Congress agreed to re-open the U.S. government only until the debt ceiling expires in February. It's crazy. If it were an action movie, the closing credits at the end would read, The Government Shutdown will return next year in The Government Shutdown Never Dies.
• President Obama spoke to a White House press conference Thursday after Congress spared ObamaCare. He spelled out the New World Order very explicitly. You must now buy the insurance you don't want from a website that doesn't work or the IRS will fine you.
• White House gardeners returned to work to find squirrels ate up Michelle Obama's Healthy Eating garden during the shutdown. Now it all makes sense. This could be the first shutdown ever engineered by a president so he could enjoy pork ribs for sixteen days.
• The Detroit Tigers hosted the Boston Red Sox in the American League Championship Series Thursday at Comerica Park in Detroit. The entire town is in a rough part of town. Last month, the people of Detroit picketed a Dollar Store for gentrifying the neighborhood.
• N.Y. City Police Chief Ray Kelly announced Friday that New York went an entire week without one murder. It could cost him his job. New York's subways and commuter trains are so crowded, they count on a steady murder rate to give each other a little elbow room.
• Anthony Weiner told GQ magazine Friday he'd be the mayor of New York if he hadn't been born in the Internet Era. He's had a long two years. He called himself an empty, soul-less vessel, and now he's being sued by kitchen glassware for defamation of character.
• Los Angeles schools gave each kid a free iPad that's connected to the Internet for this semester. The superintendant said he wants every student in L.A. to be wired, which got the attention of Baby Boomers. In our day, wired meant a gram and a bottle of Jack Daniels.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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