|
|
|
Jewish World Review Oct. 8, 2013 / 4 Mar-Cheshvan, 5774 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• The Economist reported that twenty-five million dollars in cash is being smuggled out of Pakistan every day. Only one percent of Pakistanis bother to pay any income taxes. The worst part is, America's government is shut down while Pakistan's is up and running.
• President Obama met with Wall Street CEOs Thursday and warned them they should worry about a government shutdown. They are. Wall Street's biggest concern is that the value of a politician will drop so low that ordinary citizens will be able to buy them too.
• The U.S. government shutdown cancelled a Ku Klux Klan rally at Gettysburg National Battlefield Park this weekend. All parks were closed. The cancellation was bad news for the Ku Klux Klan, but it was really good news for the black and brown bears in the park.
• House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi said Friday she plans to push passage of a bill granting a pathway to citizenship for illegal immigrants. She sounds a little out of touch. Illegal immigrants already have a pathway to citizenship, it's called the San Diego Freeway.
• Russian president Vladimir Putin was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize by a Russian studies group. He has well-recognized psychic powers. Vladimir Putin can tell which political opponent's going to commit suicide a week from now just by picking up the phone.
• The White House hired Canadian firm CGI to run the glitch-ridden launch of ObamaCare. CGI charged fifty-five million for their computer services. Leave it to Barack Obama to mark the two hundredth anniversary of Canada burning the White House by re-creating the event.
• John Kerry flew to Jakarta to attend the Southeast Asia summit Friday. It's a diverse group. Indonesians are Moslems, Australians are Christians and the Thais are Buddhists while the Vietnamese wear a little cannon around their neck with Jane Fonda sitting on it.
• The Navy Department fired Captain Daniel Dusek for taking bribes from U.S. vendors in foreign ports to steer his ship to their ports. They paid him with prostitutes. The captain was unemployed two hours when the Secret Service hired him as an event planner.
• The Capitol Police trapped a disturbed driver who rammed a White House gate and sped her car toward the Capitol. She was headed off there and killed. The good news is the Redskins pass defense has been awful this year and they've been looking everywhere for a shut-down corner, and they finally found one at the corner of Pennsylvania and Jefferson.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
Columnists
Toons
Lifestyles | |||||||||||
