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Jewish World Review Oct. 11, 2012 / 25 Tishrei, 5773 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Penn State's former coach Jerry Sandusky was sentenced to thirty years in prison on Tuesday for sexually abusing ten boys during the last decade. An hour after hearing his sentence, Jerry Sandusky had to take off his Penn State jersey. His new one reads State Pen.
Brazilian police arrested a politician for handing out cocaine hidden in her leaflets on Election Day. What a great idea. Why should politicians hand out walking-around money on election day when they can cut out the middle man and save everyone an errand?
Joe Biden took six days off campaigning this week in order to prepare for tonight's debate with Paul Ryan in front of fifty million TV viewers. This didn't fool anybody in Los Angeles. Plastic surgeons always tell you to rest for six days after a major procedure.
Mitt Romney leaped out to a five-point lead over President Obama in Tuesday's Pew Poll. It showed an amazing sixteen percent swing of women voters in one week from Obama over to Romney. If there's one thing that women love in this economy it's a rich guy.
Mitt Romney laid out an aggressive Middle East policy in his speech to Virginia Military Academy cadets Monday. We only want what's best for the region. Every American is praying for an end to the bloodshed, a peaceful transition to democracy and cheaper gas.
President Obama returned to the campaign trail Tuesday after a three-day weekend of fundraising in California. There are signs his popularity is slipping out here. While he was in Los Angeles President Obama went for a walk on the beach and the tide went out.
President Obama hosted fundraisers in Beverly Hills and Hollywood on Sunday. He's always thinking. Just when he starts losing the race he slips into L.A. to negotiate the best possible deal for his post-presidential reality show, Keeping Up with the Communists.
Sesame Street producers asked the Obama campaign to stop using Big Bird in its anti-Romney ads. Liberals are terrified. If Sesame Street were on commercial TV, Bert and Ernie would be competing in toddler beauty pageants, the Cookie Monster would be a spokesman for McDonald's, and Oscar the Grouch would be an assistant coach at Penn State.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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