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Jewish World Review Nov. 3, 2012 / 18 Tishrei, 5773 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Mitt Romney will debate President Obama in Denver in the first of three presidential debates tonight. It's must-see viewing. They will fight it out for three debates and allow Americans to decide which Harvard graduate is the most relatable to everyday folks.
The Denver Air and Space Museum will be the site of tonight's televised presidential debate. Both sides agreed to thirty-two pages of rules. They spell out the height of the lectern, the backdrop's color, and state that all questions must have a ten-foot arc on them.
Tiger Woods failed to win a match the entire Ryder Cup as the U.S. team blew the lead and lost to the European team Sunday. It certainly won't go down as Tiger's fault. The reporters gave him a pass and blamed the Ryder Cup loss on his playing partner, Joe Biden.
The Ryder Cup was retained by Europe in a come-from-behind win over U.S. golfers in Chicago Sunday. The U.S. team was thrashed by six Britons, an Italian and a German. Barack Obama issued a statement blaming the anti-American violence on a YouTube video.
New York Jets owner Woody Johnson said Sunday it's more important that Mitt Romney win this year than it is for the Jets to win the Super Bowl. It's very puzzling he'd say that. The NFL owners share all their revenue equally and that's all President Obama ever asked.
President Obama had practice debates in Las Vegas Monday prepping for tonight. He hasn't faced tough questions in nearly four years. His press conferences are like worship services and every time a reporter expresses a doubt, the president ex-communicates him.
The Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders designated Internet addiction as an official disease Monday. They called it a debilitating psychological disorder. It's a stroke of genius this close to the election for the Democrats to replace two years of unemployment benefits with permanent disability payments for the entire population.
Arnold Schwarzenegger discussed his life on CBS's 60 Minutes Sunday as he promoted his autobiography, Total Recall, in bookstores today. That's not all he was promoting on the show. Arnold still wore his wedding ring because it's a proven housekeeper magnet.
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's photographer defected to the United States Thursday at the U.N. This is the second-best intelligence bonanza possible. If we'd gotten Ahmadinejad's makeup artist we'd know which underground bunker has his mistress in it.
Jerry Brown signed a bill into law Monday allowing hundreds of thousands of illegal aliens to get driver's licenses in California. It's still not an easy task. In order to get a California license you must be able to pass a written test, you must pass a driving test, and you must be able to text with one hand while shooting out the window with the other.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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